'WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE BELOW'

The arrival of ‘Dire’ signified a change in the checkout girls. It’s possibly co-incidence or my memory not being perfect but the old contingent was mostly gone within weeks and replaced by many more.

At the time I thought nothing of this but knowing what Dire was like, was it simply coincidence?

Could it be that the frog-eyed, bow-legged mountain of fat and self-appointed gigolo new manager had tried it on with ALL of them?

I despaired when Sharon, my dreamboat supervisor had left without saying goodbye, and resigned myself to never seeing an incisor quite like hers again.

Source
...'not being able to see Sharon again was devastating. How I would miss staring at that tooth and longing for another snog'...

Marianne, who had spurned my slobbering deep-throated attempts disguised as the 'Christmas Kiss' left to open up a sandwich shop close to Kwiksave which I visited just once.

The butties must not have been up to much; either too expensive for my extremely low-paid job or the very average chippy next door could have been superior.

Linda of little brain also left under mysterious circumstances, which was depressing. I did at least get a snog from her though it was definitely secondary in quality to Sharon’s.

At this point in my life, quantity was winning over quality with me, and scoring occasionally at the local pub with one of the house slappers was a boon.

New blood was to arrive in the shape of ‘Cheese and Onion', a middle-aged skinny woman who didn’t talk to us and emitted a rather pungent odour. The name seemed apt and stuck.

Source

That peculiar stench was almost as foul as full-on BO and so we had to hold our breath while passing by C&O. The initial name was quickly shortened as the full one contained far too many syllables.

‘Darts’, was a stocky girl of around twenty years who wore those reactolite glasses that were popular in the '80s, frequented the pubs often, and liked to boast her exploits of getting pissed and legless every night.

She liked to play Darts and used to hang off the back of Motorcycles when she pulled the local greasers. We were not quite sure whether ‘Bikes’ would have been more fitting.

I could imagine Darts would drink me under the table without even trying, and probably kick my arse if we were in the ring together, though I could sense she was quite an unhappy person.

Source
...'a bike like this.. laden with grease was perfect for 'Darts' to jump on the back...

‘Darts’ had a big crush on Martin and I remember seeing him looking rather forlorn in ‘The Bishop Blaze’ pub with the checkout girls’ head resting against his shoulder at a works get-together.

It was an optimistic move by the beer-guzzling, bike-hitching greaser fan that was doomed to fail from the word go.

He didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth, but I believe the lack of response got the message across.

Not content with exploiting stock lads, Kwiksave managed to con a female checkout operator into the store in the form of ‘Girl’.

As ‘Girl’ appeared unable to speak, Welder christened the name to this slightly chubby, very plain, and quite obviously straight from school… er girl.

Similar to C&O, ‘Girl’ had a few personal hygiene issues and we figured they could have been related. If so, there appeared no visible communication between them possibly due to ‘Girl’ knowing little other than high-pitched squeaks when it came to communication.

I did jib Welder quite often about ‘Girl’ and suggested their collective pungency could be a match made in heaven; he staunchly disagreed.

Source

A massive girl, as wide as tall named Fiona arrived who I knew ever so slightly from my childhood. If she thought she had a friend in me she was to be sorely mistaken.

I was as shallow as Shallow Hal at the age of 19 and I was not going to be seen with no huge ‘Wobbler’, whether she had the hots for me or not.

Unfortunately, the name stuck thought fortunately she never discovered the handle we christened her with.

If you think many more operators were arriving then leaving that would be correct. Maybe Dire was hoping he could grope at least one of the new arrivals and get away with it?

.. and then another girl arrived, leaving us all drooling like wild dogs chasing the bitch. Finally, there was something to stare at while tripping over the jam pallet.

Cover Picture is a combination of free sources from here and here, combined and edited with Luminar 4. Any unsourced images are my own.

• Earn currency while you play brewing virtual beer with CryptoBrewMaster
• Earn currency while you play and become a global Rock Star with Rising Star