'WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE BELOW'

Sometime during August, we were informed that a new manager would be taking permanent control of the Rawtenstall branch of Kwiksave.

On questioning the bearer of this news (which I would guess to be one of the many roaming temporary managers), I was told this one was middle aged and very fair.

Middle-aged was confusing as I had yet to see a manager over 25; they were picked off the streets, given a red overall, and subjected to a basic arsehole test.

Source
...'I had become accustomed to being yelled at during my Kwiksave tenure, you had to close your ears and pretend to be listening.'...

On graduation, they then became a manager on probation which occasionally resulted in the budding development of a bombastic, narcissist twat such as Mort.

Still, I figured it might be good to have someone new, and by all accounts, this one lived 2 minutes away from the store.

It was little wonder he had his eyes on Rawtenstall as he currently managed the Oldham branch which was a 45-minute journey each way.

Even on a manager’s salary, that was too far to drive for such a shitty piss-arse job.

Further information revealed that as well as this new manager, a new stock lad would also be following him from the same branch.

This was confusing as stock lads were far too poor to drive and I calculated it would take at least THREE buses each way to travel from Oldham.

Not only that, it would consume 4 hours daily in time, as well as all the unwanted expense.

My mind whirled and I figured the new stock lad must be either retarded or some kind of devoted sycophantic slave to this ‘new manager’.

September arrived with Welder and I being introduced to David Dire and with him the new stock lad, Martin.

My initial memory of Dire was far from ideal. He insisted he be called Mr. Dire; no first names allowed as that was strictly disrespectful.

Stock lads were scum from the deepest depths of the gutter and had to know their place, though we quickly got the idea that Martin appeared slightly less scummy in rank.

He was indeed middle-aged with an enormous potbelly that swayed from side to side when he waddled down the aisles. His skin was deathly white and his eyes bulbous, large, and protruding.

Source
...'similar in size but little else. I can still picture Dire in my mind all these years later'...

Dire did have a little greasy hair left that was brushed over his balding pate in a feeble attempt to cover it up. The gelled up strands did little to disguise his fast approaching baldness.

He had not seen his toes in years and boasted a bow-legged walk as prominent as the late John Wayne. If you are getting the idea that I did not like Dire, you would be quite correct.

My preconceived ideas of Martin proved to be woefully incorrect as I hit it off with him from day one.

He was a big strapping lad of over 6 feet, a little younger than me with curly dark hair, a middle-eastern kind of look, and an extremely likable personality.

I discovered very quickly that Martin had no kind of secret affiliation or love of Dire, and that he had been persuaded to work so far away with the promise of more money.

How much this was he never revealed but it must have been damn good for all the pain of travel he had to endure daily.

Source

Martin told me that he and some other stock lads from the Oldham site used to often mimic Dire’s walk while marching behind him in a line.

This was somewhat like ‘One Step Beyond’ by Madness while quickly feigning innocence if Dire happened to stop, look round and notice.

I quickly bonded with Martin. He was into his music especially Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark who I was a fan of, but he introduced me to The Eurythmics and China Crisis.

At this point, I had never heard of The Eurythmics as this was before their massive single which was going to make them a household name. I was intrigued by their sound and at the time the only hit, Love is a Stranger that had failed to make an impact on the UK charts around November 1982.

China Crisis I found quite average and not in the same league as the other bands though he seemed quite obsessed. Speaking of the ‘League’, we both had an insatiable appetite for the Human League who had hit the big time during Christmas 1981 with their ‘Don’t You Want Me’.

I hate that bloody song now, but their album ‘Dare’ especially the non-singles tracks were decent, as was some of their older stuff before the 'dancing girls' joined.

I wish I could say Welder bonded as well with Martin as me but it wasn’t so. It was not that they did not get on, more that Martin considered him more of a witless incompetent without a brain.

Welder did have a brain that operated more at a primal level than us. Thinking about it now, he was far more suited to the role of Stock Lad than either of us.

Cover Picture is a combination of free sources from here and here, combined and edited with Luminar 4. Any unsourced images are my own.

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