MidnightMomMoment ...
I got a message earlier this evening. But I was out, at a show, and I couldn't hear the message even though the show hadn't started yet. So I just ... replied that I would check it out later!
And I got home and the message part was a few words to say thanks for the posts with Hunter ... there have been some valuable tips and tricks in there that have helped with ideas for a student and this student wrote their name today for the first time.
And my automatic AutismMomTrainedBrain goes to ... #MilestoneMonday! What an appropriate day to have a big break through like that! That's so amazing! What a wonderful share!
But also then my head says, hear that again Mom. So I listen to it again. Thanks for what you share.
And ...
I love the way theUniverse loves me. Y'know!
I have been having some trying times with these two poops. And I get extra grumpy with them giving me hard times around special things (Christmas, birthdays, mother's day! - don't be a shit around then! duuuuh!) because while I like to have a nice life and have every day be special ... I really like to go out of my way around those times.
They have been extra difficult. Especially the older one lately. And I gotta tell ya, as a single mom - I internalize a lot of their shitty shit. Because ... they are a product of my parenting, right ...
It has been seriously heavy on me lately. This damn nature vs nurture thing and how I'm failing as a parent.
Because that's all there is right, or it feels like it, is being just an absolutely amazing parent or failing. Or is that just me?!? No, I know it isn't just me. I don't know if it's a dad thing too but I know it's a mom thing. Every single freaking mom I know actually.
It feels like it's just so important, every second, every hug, every lesson, every teaching opportunity ... that when we are tired or overworked or they're a little extra demanding and we yell or turn off the TV midshow or decide bedtime is half an hour early tonight because Mommy is just done ... and then we think we're failing them.
And we don't give ourselves time between self inflicted mental jabs to realize ... there is such a huge gap between perfection and failure and we're human just like anyone else. If only we spent less time beating ourselves up about losing our shit sometimes...
Why do we lose our shit? because kids are fucking assholes - hello!! that's why they can't vote or drive or make their own decisions!! They are assholes!! Not because you didn't take the right parenting class or read the right book. Not because you are single, or married, or in a same sex partnership. Not because they are an only child. Not because they have three brothers. Because they are all fucking assholes sometimes!
That is their job. To be assholes.
And it is our job to try to remember specific incidents so that when they are grown ass humans we use it against them either by purchasing their child a pet that they were never allowed to have, or a clown themed room because you know they hate clowns, or whatever ... that is how the cycle of life goes. They drive us crazy, we fucking lose our minds and start plotting our revenge like the count of monte cristo and we turn into grandparents who say crazy things and feed everyone candy while talking about colonoscopies.
And I love that as I have been kicking my own ass mentally, literally with all this same shit in my head that I talk my mom friends out of all the time ... that I am not trying hard enough that I am not doing enough that I have to give more, be more ... I get this message ...
And I never even noticed that I was putting tips or tricks anywhere. I am just sharing stuff that happens in our moment, on a format that happens to allow me HUGE amounts of data storage for free ... I can't keep nearly this much video, especially not years of it popping up in refreshing memories for me, anywhere else! Facebook has allowed us to document Hunter's progress every step of the way, really. And ...
I love the way theUniverse loves me ...
That it reminds me not only of his progress on a Milestone Monday like today, but also that there are tips and tricks in here ... and I'm actually doing an ok job.