I have had depression since 2014 though I didnt know about it and never gave it trearment till mid 2015, since then I will cosume cipralex everyday. I have tried a few times to get off the medicine and for awhile I was improving, from one dosage everyday it turns to half a dosage in two days. However, at the start of this year, I find myself increasing it again till Im back to one dosage everyday.
Around mid august I ran out of the med and coveniently the pharmacy I went to also ran out of it. I was nervous about it at first yet I couldn't purchase it again on the next week as I was hospitalized. It was when I was hospitalized, I decided to rsign from my job. I somehow felt relieved though anxious, and then I totally forgot about cipralex even after I get out of the hospital.
When I got back to work I also did not remember about my depression until I had to buy medicines for my reflux. It was during that tine that I rmembered about cipralex. By then I had held off the medicibe for around three weeks and I devided to test how long I could survive without it, so I puposely did not buy the medicine, not even for an 'in case' situation. That for me, was a leap of faith.
It has been nearly two months now since Last had a pill and today suddenly I felt sadness. There was a moment of 'should I buy cipralex' thought running through my mind. I then remembered that while I was consuming the medicibe I had this kind of sadness before and it could be overcome by talking to people.
I was wondering who should I contact? But then I was reminded of why not talk to God? Why do I have to find people when I could find God first. I did not know what to talk about or what to sing so in the end I decided to pray in tongues and let the spirit guide me. Sometimes when you just don't know what to say, let your spirit do it for you. Even though I didn'know exactly what I was speaking, my heart knows and it went through many emotions from being clenched to being filled with love and calmness.
Talking to people helps us and medicine helps us, and I highly recommend doing both if you are battling against depression, but remember that coming to God helps greatly. Look to God first before looking at other solutions. After having my quiet time, I am able to pen this down. Feelings that I do not know how to convey are suddenly easy to write out and with each word I felt lighter.
I am also going to call my friends in awhile but not with the same kind of topic which includes lots of self pity that was in my mind before but just wanting to catch up and know how they are doing. Through praying I was also able to ptay for the people around me, as Im reminded that my problems are in the Lord and I do not have to worry, so lets pray for the people around. To some it might not be a meaningful act but when you are able to pray for others amidst your problems, it helps to fill your heart with love and helps to practice love. Big steps comes from small steps, how are we able to act on our love for others if we couldn't even spare time to pray for them?
After that, I decided to read a verse and again it remibded me of God's love for us and to place our problens unto him. Why worry about things when He is in charge? Those mindless worries will only be a burden to ourselves.
Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhytms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep cimpany in me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:29-30
