Well! I am really not sure how to start writing this one...
I imagine it will be an uncharacteristically short post for energy reasons which shall become apparent.
[Some of my timings will seem off in this post as I wrote it in hospital last night but the poor wi-fi would not my laptop play ball].
I don't have the energy to use 57 paragraphs to set the scene and so, I shall cut to the chase.
Early in October I began to feel particularly ill, which was coming on the back of previous bouts of fairly serious ill health and a knockout bout of covid that affected me pretty severely...
THEN MY PANCREAS PACKED UP FOR A SPELL AND PART OF IT EVEN DECIDED TO DIE OFF!!!
Well apparently that is kinda what they call an emergency, so I was admitted TO hospital in a blaze of activity and spend a day or so continuously retching with only bile to show for my Herculean efforts.
Can you spot the 20kg of water added to my extremely distended stomach?
Well with hindsight being what it is, and my feverish, delusional first 2 weeks in hospital, not being quite how I remembered them first time round, it was completely wasted on me just how close to death I actually came.
Sadly, it was not wasted on my amazing family and I am incredibly sorry to say they are fully aware of how serious things have been.
There are many life changing things to come out of this sorry affair, but here's the thing...
I AM HERE, I AM ALIVE AND I AM PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE BABY!!!
What's the alternative, right? Not an alternative that I wish to consider, this much is obvious. Last Monday 23rd, I had been in hospital for over 2 weeks and that was the first day I allowed myself to set a goal.
To get out of bed and walk from my ward, down to the main hospital coffee shop. Since then I have not missed a day of walking, building up my fitness coming off my oxygen tank.
Naturally, everybody says
"Don't overdo it!"
And I get it. It's a perfectly natural response, but I knew the walking would work some of the excess glucose from my system and allow me some more control over my recovery and boost my mental health so, so much.
Speaking of which, I am now planning what I am going to do when I'm liberated from the hospital to avoid diagnosis depression
I have seen it many times before, especially in men my age, a life changing diagnosis brings mortality in to sharp focus and the reality that youth has gone and the old ways will never return causes a mental decline... If I can avoid this, I will.
Oh! By the way...
Acute necrotising pancreatitis.
[Yesterday]
That is more specifically, my diagnosis. I also now inject myself with insulin for my diabetes every mealtime, I guess that makes me type 1 now??? I guess, I really should ask...
I have gone from 3 stands next to my bed for various IV drips, to 1. I have zero machines that I am hooked up to, no more beeping, clicking and whirring as I sleep. I ditched my oxygen, my catheter and taken charge of almost all of my own care, meds.
In a nutshell I feel so, so much better.
In case you couldn't see the sticker placed on my chest in the previous photo by a particularly cheeky [and amazing] nurse
I have been telling my Dr's, nurses, family and friends that I would sneak out of here while it is still October, (tomorrow is obviously 31st).
My consultant and surgeon came to see me for morning rounds today, here is the conversation that took place: I should warn you my sense of humour and levels of cheekiness have almost fully recovered...
Consultant: What do you think is still keeping you in hospital?
Me: The next 30 seconds of this conversation and your decision making processes.
Consultant: What if I told you we are thinking of discharging you tomorrow?
Me: I have rehearsed this conversation a few times already this morning and I must say you have remembered your lines beautifully!
We had a bloody good laugh and I explained that I have told everyone and his dog I was gonna sneak out of here in the final strains of October. That I would start November at home with my family, my dog, my bath and my real, everyday life and I would work out what my new life looked like gradually.
People keep saying how spooky this is (I suppose it is Halloween, tomorrow, right?)
I don't think so though. I think sometimes we can make something so concrete in our mind and anchor it to our intention and it can be almost like al obstacles fall away at will and all necessary action steps and checkpoints become glaringly obvious and things just... Uhm... Fall in to place, I guess!
This post has really taken it out of me, I don't mind telling you.
I am going straight to bed lol. I am so happy to be home but I suspect the boundaries of 'too much' will surprise me in the coming weeks.
I look forward to reconnecting with many of you again, bring on many good times ahead.
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
Keep taking the time to connect with each-other both here and in the 'so-called' real world and try and look after each-other, because as you already know...
I am an incredibly proud member of #TeamUK I love the global community immensely, but it is nice to have a home-team banner to add to my posts. The banner was made by the inimitable RoastMaster General himself @c0ff33a If you are an active UK member and would like to be added to the teamUK community on Discord, just let me know 😎
Any images in my posts are either 'taken by me' or 'created in Canva by me.'