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I came across this word, PHUBBING today, I didn't know of its existence before now. Not a regular vocabulary, but certainly an action we or most of us do. I'm so guilty of this. Quite an interesting word, but can ruin relationships.
Phubbing is a term coined as part of a campaign by Macquarie Dictionary to describe the habit of snubbing someone in favour of a mobile phone - Wikipedia
Simply put, Phubbing is phone snubbing. That act you pull when you choose your phone over someone or people during conversation. Also, the inability to engage with people around you, cos your phone is with you always and you can't just let it down. I know most of us are phubbers or at the receiving end. I understand we are in a digital world and smartphones are the most sought after gadget. We need to keep up with new chats, update status, trending gist, weather forecast, green signals(trading), etc. But then has it become the
the electronic enemy of love?
Today, these devices are playing the role of the ‘other man/woman’ in relationships. In other words, they are now responsible for snatching your spouse or partner away from you – maybe even your entire family!
We have an intimate relationship with our phones. We carry out activities with them, like eating, sleeping, and even in the bathroom. I know if you're to pick one important thing in your in 1min, your phone would be with you already to fly out. We tend to check them like we blink our eyes. I know we love our phones for good reasons - Help us in money making, entertain us with music and videos, connect us to family and friends, help with weather forecast, find us dates and maybe sex, answer our questions, etc.
Now here’s the thing with smartphones, some people can’t go to bed without them; others check them the moment they wake up, while some use them to make their partner feel jealous. I can remember checking @pangoli’s WhatsApp Status few days ago. Twas a postcard that says “You wake up in the morning to check your phone, you don't even care to find out if you can walk”. It got me laughing real hard and that's the bitter truth. To be honest, I do this too, and I know you do too.
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You can be so addicted to your phone, that the love for it can affect your partner, spouse, lover, family and friends. Having a healthy relationship is being present and available when needed. When a partner constantly checks his or her friend when with you, it sends a message that they find whatever they're doing with the phone more interesting than you. In our quest to be connected to the digital world, we are ruining our relationships, and this can also affect the mental health of our partners. Yes, cos when you phub someone, they rejected, irritated, not loved and not important.
So I asked this question on my WhatsApp Status;
Does Smartphones Ruin Relationships???
The responses I got;
- It affect for real.
- I lost my relationship because our phones replaced us. He spends more time with his online girls than he does with me. I revenged, and it broke us apart.
- I'm not in a relationship, phone is bae, lol.
- It does a lot, it kills communication.
- I try to stay away from my phone whenever my husband / family needs my attention. The notifications can wait, family comes first.
- If smartphones are not used properly, they cause inconveniences. Misuse of smartphones can bring about disagreements, for instance, if you are having a conversation with your boyfriend and at the same time you are laughing at a joke on a WhatsApp group, he will feel disrespected and that can really destroy a relationship.
How Can You Save Your Relationship From Getting Ruined by Phubbing
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Talk to your partner about it, let him or her understand how much you love talking to them, but the phone becoming an interference in your relationship.
Learn to put your phone away doing meal time. To avoid notifications buzzing your phone, you can put it on “Do not disturb” mode. Give your attention, be comfortable and forget your phone for that moment.
Avoid getting lost in your phone, when you're with your partner or loved ones. Show some respect. You can always see the updates and notifications later.
Learn to show courtesy / practice phone etiquette. Do take permission if you need to check your phone. It gives assurance that you're not choosing your phone over them.
Control how you use your phone, don’t let it control you. You can always put it down for some couple of hours and do other stuff. Constant checking of your phone can form a habit that may take you time to stop.
You don’t have to stop using your phone to prevent phubbing. You just have to be more mindful of your actions and be aware when you're around someone or people. It might take some time and discipline to let go of this behaviour, but do save your relationship and the mental health of your loved ones by undoing this act.
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