Divorced, remarried, I have one boy from the first marriage and two boys from the second one. After my first son was born, I managed to gradually work myself into one of these two horrible choices: catastrophic marriage or catastrophic divorce. I chose the second one out of selfishness and fear that I would replicate my parent's marriage. I denied my older son the joy of seeing his parents in love and I will forever be sorry for that.
When I had my second boy with my current wife, she became very cold and distant to the one from the first marriage, which I suppose is quite normal when having to take care of a baby.
But after all this time she still seems reluctant to fully accept my firstborn into our family when he's with us. I know that philosophy is about prevention, not cure, and I'm sure that my kids will never end up where I am right now, but any tips on how to help my family be happier would be greatly appreciated.
Oh Stefan! I would love a show on how to throw an amazing dinner party! Sounds like you're a pro at it!
Hey Stef, we have antibiotics, internet, relative peace and freedom and I most probably will not die as a drafted soldier, but I am still unable to feel gratitude and make myself happier just because my ancestors lived in incomparably worse conditions. Even if I am the 2nd wealthiest generation in the World history I tend to perceive myself as a tax slave in a luxury barn. Would you have any tips on how to practice gratitude and how to teach gratitude to my children?
How to wish well rationally?
In your presentation "Vampire Love Kills!" you describe that stating "you're lucky" means admitting helplessness to achieve goals like having a six pack through hard work at the gym. Is "Freedomain dot com slash donate" the new well wishing phrase? You keep referring to the shortness of your remaining days which is depressing.
PART 1
Thank you for answering my previous question regarding the rationality of child abuse. I’d like to continue that discussion if possible by raising a few points. First I’d like to clarify why this matters to me personally because without the context, I think we might misunderstand our intentions.
My brother recently became a parent. I tried to advocate for peaceful parenting (this was before you finished the book), and he said he trusted more in how he was raised, with corporal punishment. The typical points of “I turned out fine”, etc were raised by him. It was a lost cause, and by the end of it, he felt as though his honour was challenged by me calling it cowardly. He wanted to spar with me in a ring for 5 rounds as a way for me to prove my point (he’s older than me by 4 years and also more muscular). The only other way he’d accept my proof would be through raising my own children peacefully and seeing what kind of adults they would be. At that point course, the damage to his own children would already be done.
Long story short this was the end of our relationship. I have grieved, and I’m still in the process of accepting things, but a part of that process for me is steel manning his position. Maybe in seeing it completely destroyed I’ll have more peace of mind. As such in Part 2, I shall continue to play devils advocate. There might appear to be some level of disassociation in part 2 since there is clearly an emotional undercurrent to this discussion. A call-in might be good, but for this I prefer the slower process of contemplating and responding through argumentation. The emotions are still being processed and this sore emotional underbelly might also be why I haven’t yet read peaceful parenting.
First I think you made a few fantastic points which are worth repeating and rephrasing just to make sure I understand you.
- “If you can’t hit any characteristic of a child, how can you hit a child?” I.e. if there is no justification for violence against someone with a single characteristic of a child, how can violence be justified when you have those characteristics in aggregate?
- “Rationality is an abstract thing and abstract things judge abstract things. You don’t judge particular actions, you judge arguments. It’s a category error to say that reason should judge individual actions.” I.e. Reason is a standard that we use for judging the quality of abstractions. If we want to judge the quality of actions outside of practicality, we use morality.
- “Practicality is taking the steps in order to achieve a goal. Morality is universally preferable behaviour.” I.e. something is given the quality of being ‘practical’ when it makes it likely that a given goal will be achieved. Something is given the quality of being ‘moral’ when it is universally preferred and enforceable.
With these points in mind, I have a question regarding point 3. If the act of copying yourself / reproduction is universally observed across all living organisms, does this qualify as a universally preferable behaviour? Since morality is exclusive to human beings, then does reproduction both (physically or memetically) qualify as a universally preferable behaviour since human beings show a universal preference for this?
If it is universally preferable to reproduce, with memetic reproduction as one part of this process, then child abuse can be considered a form of memetic reproduction that has a moral status because it is an enforceable subset of a universally preferable behaviour (reproduction). On the other hand, memetic and physical reproduction is goal oriented and practical. Since you made a distinction earlier between the practical and the moral, is this not a case of the two overlapping? If the two can overlap, then are we back to the point I was arguing earlier of rationality and practically overlapping, since you said that morality is a subset of reason.
The key mechanism here is to first say that reproduction is a UPB. Then to say that child abuse is a form of reproduction (memetic). Once child abuse is seen as a form of reproduction, it has moral and rational status. On the other hand, reproduction is also practical. Therefore, you have the moral/ rational intersecting with the practical.
Thank you in advance.
I am struggling with how to navigate raising children: should I participate in creating the belief that Santa Claus exist ?
I don’t have children, but actively planning to have children.
I’m leaning towards not wanting to participate in creating the belief in Santa Claus because it seems like a huge deception. When I explain to people why I don’t find it healthy for children to be deceived then I’m typically met with “oh! you have to! it’s just for fun! it’s magical! It’s Christmas! It’s part of childhood!”
My best answer would be to explain to my children that Santa Claus is not real, explain the concept, and allow them to enjoy the fictional character.
( Then , I’ll face the problem when my child tells other children that Santa Claus is fictional, future podcast question I suppose, lol)
Recently, you’ve said that Izzy is quick to identify contradictions because you’ve never asked her to believe in contradictions.
I recall the age I realized Santa Claus wasn’t real, but feared if I let anyone know then I wouldn’t be getting as many gifts. This led me to develop an ability to deceive the “giver” into “yes, I’ll believe what you want in order for me to get what I want”.
It all seems so innocent when looking at a fat jolly man dressed in a red suit.
Is Santa Claus (maybe include Easter bunny, tooth fairy, other pagan folk lore, etc) a contradiction that Izzy was never asked to believe in?
thanks!
Hello Stefan!
My first question is: How can I become a more content person?
For example, I fall into a cycle of saying, "This is going to be our forever home!" and then after a few years, I start dreaming of something bigger and better, getting excited about the prospect of moving again. I can't seem to go 3-4 years without feeling the itch to move up!
My second question is: Why am I struggling with feeling left out?
Maybe my two questions are somehow linked. Lately in my community and circle of mom/homeschooling/neighborhood friends, I've been aware of recent instances where I haven't been invited to join a dinner or gathering. Logically, I tell myself that it's okay! We live in a small town and I don't have to be invited to everything! Emotionally it still hurts though.
Thank you!
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