In the short years of Flavius Claudius two plebeians were elected into the most queer office of state. Guy 1 and Guy 2 were given seats at the senate and treated like big shots. All they had to do was keep track or what kind of house people had and what kind of horse they drove. It was pretty straight forward work kind of like book keeping for the state. They then got to tax people accordingly.

These two were also given the special privilege of handing our punishments to those who spoke anything immoral or detrimental to the state. It really doesn't matter if the person was a senator or a man of great standing or inebriated at the time. Guy 1 and Guy 2 delighted in handing out punishments.

For example there was a time Senator Lucius said the word "Teensy"! That was a capital offense given the physical stature or Claudius. As soon as Guy 1 heard the word "Teensy!" he was certain action must be taken.

Under the authority of the Emperor, Guy 1 and Guy 2 stripped Lucius of his title as Senator and degraded Lucius to "ejectio e senatu" meaning "You're fired!" Guy 1 and Guy 2 had a pretty big laugh at this one.

The next was the night that said, "Ni!" His ears were ringing when Guy 2 heard the night say, "Ni!" He quickly grabbed Guy 1 and they were witnesses of this atrocious language. There was only one thing to do, the ademptio equi. They kicked that knight right of his horse. From then on the knight had walk with the sounds of coconuts and say, "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing,"

Another time Guy 1 was passing by a pub when he heard on of the elders of a tribe speak of the word "lumber jack" in a queer way. This was definitely far from morally acceptable. The tribe elder was given the motio e tribu which is the equivalent of muting a member from a tribe on Hive. This tribal leader was forced to move out of the tribe he had established and beg another tribe to let him in.

As they moved on the next day, Guy 1 and Guy 2 felt like they were on a roll for there was Senator Publius riding his white horse. They caught him saying something "WOODY". This was quite disturbing and caused Guy 1 and Guy 2 to give him the facere aliquem aerarium. This is just a combination of all of the above. Senator Publius was knocked off his horse, removed from office and then demoted to the tribe of Voltinia.

Guy 1 said to Guy 2, "That was a dirty fork!"

After that Claudius called them in for a personal meeting. They were sure the emperor was impressed at how well their first week as censors was going.

With a smile on his face Claudius asked Guy 1 and Guy 2 to approach his throne.

"How dare you speak of a dirty fork!!"

"You two look at me!"

"Do you see this? He said to Guy 1 as he stuck the object through Guy 2."

"Do you know what this is?"

Guy 2 answered,

"Yes, your majesty. It is a dirty knife."

Atilla the Hun should have been the end of censorship but it continues even today thousands of years later.

This article has been the result of hours of painstaking research into the language of python and subliminal influences of censorship on modern media.

Guy's Story

Teensy and Woody

Ni

The Dirty Fork

Punchline : Dirty Knife