Another mid-February rolls around, the pink and red décor emerges, shelves brim with plush animals and chocolate assortments, and the season of romance is in full swing once more. Yes, no matter our relationship status, Valentine’s Day manages to find us all and shine its bright neon light directly upon that mysterious four-letter word no one has quite figured out - Love.
We toss the word around frequently – “I love pizza!” “Did you see that viral video? I loved it!” But the kind of heart-bursting, soul-melding love that Valentine’s Day exploits and interrogates goes beyond fleeting emotion related to tempting carbs and LOL cats.
No, the concept of love this February holiday probes is more intentional about showing up day after day, year after year for those who matter most. It’s about whispered words and grand gestures, surprise post-its and comfort food on standby when the going gets tough. It’s nails painted to match dresses to complement eyes that still glimmer after many years together.
Valentine’s Day may primarily emphasize romantic love, but I believe its invitation to focus whole-heartedly on love for 24 little hours can apply much more broadly. It can encompass expressions of familial love, gestures of kindness toward strangers, tending to spaces that nurture community. And most importantly, it can serve as a reminder for radical self-love.
Now, even after 20+ February 14ths on this whirling globe, I still don’t profess to fully understand love and all its spectacular complexities. But in my 20 something years of lived experience thus far through many diverse relationships, I have learned a thing or two about the kinds of soul-nurturing love worth making ridiculous pink foil-encrusted occasions over year after year.
For instance, I’m coming to understand that real love often reveals itself not in grand overtures, but in the subtle buildup of small moments. It’s bringing someone chicken noodle soup without being asked when they’re sick. It’s listening without judgment. It’s apologizing even when you don’t think you should have to. Forgiving past hurts. Giving the benefit of doubt. Selflessly supporting their growth.
And while blissful romantic love full of electric chemistry and sunset beach walks absolutely has its place, I believe the steady, compassionate love that gently lights up daily mundane moments can sustain us even longer. It’s the love that shows up to scrub toilet bowls alongside you before guests come. The love that ugly sobs with you in messy breakdowns but still adores your runny nose.
The love that nervously holds your hand before risky career moves or difficult conversations. The love that becomes a safe harbor to dock shared dreams and vulnerabilities. That kind of gritty, loyal, ride-or-die love? Now THAT, to me, is worth investing radical amounts of time, patience and forgiveness to nurture.
Loving my own challenging, ever-changing self has hands-down been my steepest learning curve too. But as I gently evolve to make space for more compassion towards my flaws and limitations, I become fuller and thus have even more to give others. Refilling my own cup ensures I can sustain pouring into people and causes I care about instead of flaming out in exhaustion. I still have terrible days of self-doubt or even self-loathing. But the increasing number of mornings I make the choice to speak kindly to myself? That gives me hope.
And while romantic love certainly doesn’t define my worth, I still do long for the kind of relationship where laughter comes easy and plans can change on a dime for spontaneous adventure. Where the years carve deeper wells of empathy and forgiveness rather than distance or contempt. I crave the sort of soul-quaking love that makes my nerves sing and feel fully alive. And I believe making space for self-love prepares the way for drawing that into my life one day too.
Who knows I will get there, if any of us really can promise forever love. But perhaps that’s where the true magic of Valentine’s Day comes in for me now...as a reminder that despite infinite uncertainties and question marks constantly swirling around human connection, love itself ALWAYS remains worthy of pursuit in as many forms as we can muster.
So as I sip my cold zobo drink this afternoon, I will soak in gratitude for the rich manifestations of Love itself I DO experience through family, supportive friends and my own inward work. My perfectly imperfect patchwork of love equips me to keep spreading more ripples of compassion however I can.
And even on days when connection feels utterly out of reach and romance seems a pipe dream, I’ll remember that where Love continues sparkling as an unquenchable eternal flame lighting up this crazy world? Well that still gives me hope
