Even from adolescence, I had a clear definition of the kind of man I needed to settle down with. That doesn't make me dependent, but it is just me setting standards. Being financially capable is something I place high value on. At the same time, I’m working for my own stability.
To me, every man should be financially stable to the extent that he and his family don’t have to strive hopelessly for square meals. This was something I held onto strongly, but life has its own way of planning things differently sometimes.
It was a long day at work, and I was about to stop a vehicle when I saw a Lexus parked just close to where I was. It was Usman. It felt like one of those romantic movies. His complexion radiated like a rising sun.
With his white Lexus, he stopped and wound down the window. I saw a clear picture of my dream man; his voice gave me goosebumps. In a soft tone, he said, "Can I give you a ride? I see you are about to board a transit."
At first, I pretended not to be interested, but my heart was leaping. My heart dropped at his handsomeness, but my brain reset quickly, reminding me to be careful with strangers. "So, you feel that because you want to do me a favor, I should happily jump into your car?"
"My bad, I understand, but you don't have to be scared of anything. If you insist, it's fine. But do me a favor by giving me your number or taking my complimentary card."
The card was already stretched towards me. I took it and shifted from his sight to get a cab to drive me home. He stood there watching until I boarded a cab.
Source
It was our December end-of-year get-together and award night too. An event that started at 6 p.m. till mama calls. It was a night of celebration. We ate, drank, laughed, and applauded, forgetting to check the time. It was after the party that I realized it was past midnight, and I needed to get home.
The road was deserted, not even an insect in sight. The only name ringing in my ear was Usman. Luckily, the purse was in my handbag. I opened my purse, brought out his complimentary card, and dialed his number.
"The number you dialed is not reachable...." Repeatedly, I kept hearing this until I was on the verge of giving up. The last attempt went through.
"Hi, who am I speaking to?" A melodious female voice answered.
"Is this wrong number? This is supposed to be Usman’s line."
"I'm his PA, and this is our office line. Let me know how we can assist you, ma, so I can put a call through to him."
"It's confidential. Just inform him someone called and that he should return the call tomorrow so his company won't miss a deal." I responded, and that was how I was left with no choice but to beg for a ride.
The next day, I got a call, and it was Usman. That was how our friendship turned into a relationship in a short space of time. Yeah, he had everything I spelled out in my kind of man. Every moment together was amazing, and my heart danced to everything he said. He never quit until he saw himself as the last man standing. But as the saying goes, there is no rose without thorns. Usman was no exception.
I noticed he calculated all his expenses as though every naira spent was a blockage to an incoming one. At first, I thought it was just him trying not to be extravagant. My first birthday came with just a pack of undies as a gift with a note that read, "I love you, babe." I love my gifts big, so getting something I could easily afford and at the same time too little left me pissed and wondering. I swallowed it and let it slide.
One day after work, he called me to prepare a meal for him. It was Friday, and I was happy, knowing Saturday was off-duty. I got there and saw him making a list of the things needed for the meal.
When I noticed what he was doing, I lost my patience. "Why are you just too frugal for nothing? To be sincere, your analysis of everything you do is already making me lose my patience. Where on earth have you seen a man making a list for crying out loud?"
"You have to remember the rainy days."
"Really? Are you counting change or millions? Why are you so stingy to others but get yourself flashy things? Look at your house, your cars, but then look at the people in your life. Don’t use that fear of future scarcity to blackmail me. What do you mean by 'rainy days'?" I asked mockingly.
He stood up, reaching for my hand, but I shrugged it off, and he continued, "Life is not all about money, but the moments you cherish."
As much as I wanted to see the meaning in his words, from what I had seen countless times, I knew that even if he had the whole world, he still wouldn’t find it enough. All efforts to get him to embrace selflessness failed, and I wasn’t ready to learn to blend into the world of a man who cared only about himself. A man who builds his life on calculating and holding back when it involves others.
"You know what! You should be in this house alone and enjoy your wealth to the fullest. We have spent months together, clocking a year in a month, and all I do is try to be patient, hoping my words would change you to be kind to others with your wealth.
I can't continue with someone who can’t wipe tears from the faces of others. I don’t even see you doing this for me as your babe. Look at your staff. All you care about is yourself."
Angrily, I stormed out and blocked his number. My tolerance level is very low, and blocking his number was the only way to avoid his calls or anything that would link us together. All efforts to reach me through different lines failed, and after a while, we both went our separate ways.
He wasn’t ready to trade selfishness and stinginess for selflessness. What he does with lots of wealth when he can't make others smile baffles me. I walked away because i wasn't ready to be groomed to who I'm not because of money. It’s better to lose a rose with thorns than watch what I hate every blessed day in the name of a relationship.