Dear boy who fell in love with me,
First day you walked up to me
In the middle of my hurt
Under the moonlight where spirits and new wine converse,
I rewrote my book of Matthew.
Paul might have walked on water but you walked through all I have ever been.
Together we found ourselves in poetry
Together we rhymed and had parties that ran on lines.
Together we were the perfect sonnet and had matching odes.
Together we would have been Romeo and Juliet except none of us was ready to be human
Together we were spirit animals.
Then you pulled pain out of me and made dresses of it
Then you put me before you
Then you held my balance too well that I forgot I could fly
Then I became too comfortable in comfort that I forgot I was supposed to hurt
Yes you were amazing
Yes you, dear boy who fell in love with me
Yes you were in love with me
But once you discovered I was broken
You fell and broke yourself too
You loved me to pieces
You loved me with pieces
One day I doubted I had purpose
The next day, we doubted
We doubted together
Purpose found us in our doubting togetherness
Dear boy who fell in love with me
I am sorry
You seemed genuine
So I pushed you
I don't want to know what love is
Do not confuse my pain right now
Excerpts from a book I will never write