Thank you everyone for the Birthday wishes. :)
It means a bunch, and much love to you! ❤️
This has been the best birthday ever so far!
Back when I was around 35 and noticing my first grey hairs and wrinkles I had a sort of mid life crisis like I think a lot of people do and I in some ways kinda felt like my life was only downhill even more than it already was from there as I was already super depressed for other reasons...
Now at 41 years old (It's my birthday today btw) I am the happiest I've ever been in life and so grateful every day that I didn't give up like I seriously contemplated one night.
It's wild to me that I spent 8 years wishing I was dead constantly and now I'm the happiest I've ever been and somewhat regularly having experiences that are so epic it's like I'm in a Hollywood movie or some kind of fantasy book or something.
So grateful for my family and friends who have supported me genuinely and even so grateful to the ones who didn't treat me so well.
So many people have been so important and critical in various ways to get me to where I am now, I recognize I wouldn't be here without them.
Also... It's been a while since I uploaded a spoken word poetry song thingy, been super busy elsewhere... However, I've been working on a few poems here and there and this is one that encapsulates some of my recent feelings and thoughts. Also, will put a link to the spoken word version in the comments if anyone wants to listen.
A Grand Adventure -
I think it's really beautiful when people can go through a lot of darkness and hardship and still offer peace, love and kindness to the world.
Been finding my way in some strange ways.
Doing my best with the time I have left.
Who knew I'd end up so amazed.
Especially after such dark days, back when I was so depressed.
Went flipping the script.
Changing the narrative.
New curiosities with a twist.
It was imperative.
Humbling and empowering.
Stumbling, yet towering.
Mumbling some flowery and devouring things.
While rumbling towards the hour that brings.
Adrenaline, adrenaline, here you are again.
It's been a bit risky where I went.
It's been a bit sensitive.
Should I mention it?
Why me? Why not?
I seek, I got.
These feet... And, a bunch of luck brought me to this spot.
Plus my friends and family helped a lot, better believe I haven't forgot.
Divine timing, dreams blurring.
Learning to trust these reflections shining.
In no hurry.
Enjoying the journey, feeling so alive, see...
Don't want anyone to worry. But, I guess I just gotta be me.
Who am I? Someone whose been hidden and forgotten.
Driven towards secrets that keep unlocking.
What a gift I've been given, it's a bit shocking.
On a mission now, not stopping. On a mission now, not stopping.
Not totally sure where to go from here...
I just keep following the signs and synchronicities as they appear.
Steering in ways that may seem weird.
Sincerely hoping that because of all this I don't "disappear".
Adrenaline, adrenaline, here you are again.
It's been a bit risky where I went.
It's been a bit sensitive.
Should I mention it?
Sorry when I lose sight of my gratefulness and gratitude.
So infinitely thankful in such immense magnitudes.
Beyond what was assumed and the platitudes, following an internal longitude and latitude.
Life is so much better when you have a more healthy attitude.
I'm mostly at peace, I've had a pretty good life.
Outside of what happened to Amanda and others and some extreme trauma in my mind.
Knowing I tried to do what I thought was right.
Happy that I had some time to genuinely be alive.
If you can manage to get passed the nightmare, there's a brighter world on the other side waiting for you.
The seasons are changing... And so am I.
Priorities rearranging, no longer the time to hide.
What an adventure, ranging from ultra pleasant to having perhaps almost died.
Like a painting, oddly explaining... Yet, it seems as if there's never an answer as to why?
Used to be bothered too much by what people might think of me.
Time to be more free.
Stepping into authenticity.
Self expression is the new belief.
Now. In the moment.
In the moment now.
Now I'm in the moment.
I'm in the moment now.
Wow... Wow... 6X
