This is one of the toughest reviews I have ever had to write. I am not sure how to begin.
Should I start by saying this is a poorly written movie... but you still need to pay full price for it?
Or
Should I start by saying you need to pay full price for this movie... even though it is poorly written?
The visuals in this movie are quite amazing. I think we have reached a point where one can simply assume special effects are going to be flawless (unless it is a DC comic book movie). Because that is the expectation, it has become more of a question of imagination. If the creative team dreams up some incredible ways to use the effects, I am impressed.
I was blown away by the visuals and sound of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. I saw it in a Dolby Theater and it was worth every penny. In fact, if I had not seen it in such a high quality theater, it would have been a waste of my time.
The writing is terrible. I am a fairly smart guy and I had no idea why anything was happening the way it was. It simply made no sense.
I waited for the credits to see if J.K. Rowling would put her name on this. She did. I was thoroughly disappointed.
My wife and kids are Harry Potter fanatics. Although I enjoy the series and characters tremendously, I am not in the same class as my family. As a result, I think I have a pretty good cross section to draw from when assessing the quality of this film. Here is the spectrum on which you can find my family.
Geeky Dad - confused and did not like the movie
Geeky 11 year old daughter - confused but liked the movie
Geeky wife- not confused and enjoyed it as a "popcorn movie" (she believes I think too much)
Geeky 13 year old son - not confused and loved it (he's mad at me for ruining his experience after the fact)
In addition to the visual and sound effects, the acting was excellent. As always, the creatures are spectacular. When they are on the screen, the movie is quite fun.
I'd like more of this please... and fewer dead children.
But that is part of the problem, the Magical Creatures are not as prevalent as they were in the first film. The first one was fun and whimsical. This movie is dark... very dark. How dark? While although never shown on screen, two babies die in this movie. So that dark.
This is the first movie in the past 15 years that have stirred up the same feelings I had while watching Revenge of the Sith. I simply could not figure out why any characters were doing what they were doing. What was their motivation? Why would someone suddenly turn evil? Why did the villain stage such an elaborate plot when his goal could have been met with a phone call saying, "I know what your last name is. Do you want to meet?"
This movie clearly only intended to serve one purpose: to set the stage for the next (and hopefully final) installment. They needed to move some pieces into place. They couldn't figure out a plausible way to move them so they distracted the audience with some cool visuals while using sleight of hand to set up the board while no one was paying attention.
That part worked like a charm. Even though this movie was so bad, I still can't wait for the final chapter. If you have read the books, you know what this will lead to and I expect it to be EPIC!
Even though this movie sucked, I am really looking forward to these two sharing some screen time in the next one.
Let's cut to the chase. Would I advise a friend to see this movie? Sadly, if they are a Harry Potter fan, they have no choice. The final movie should be great. This movie is going to be required viewing before the final piece is released. If they aren't a Harry Potter fan, they should absolutely skip this movie.
Because the visual and sound effects are the true star of this film, if you are going to invest the 135 minutes in seeing it, I highly recommend you do so in the highest quality theater you can. The story is simply not enough to justify your time. It needs to lean on the special effects as a crutch.
Geeky Dad's Movie Guide
Number of times I fell asleep: 0
Number of eye rolls: 10 (I could play the "why did they do that?" drinking game with this one.)
Number of face palms: 2
Number of times I checked steemit: 0 ((Although confused, I was never bored thanks to the visuals)
Number of times I said "That's ridiculous": 5 (This is generous. It was probably more like one drawn out "That's ridiculous" for the vast majority of the movie.)
Did my kids like it: Yes!
Would I see it without my kids: Sadly... yes (It set the stage for the next movie.)
Full price/Matinee/Rental/Free/Not worth the time: Highest quality theater you can find... because you aren't spending money on the story that is for sure.