I keep walking ...
I looked at the beautiful sky in blue and the ornaments of the birds flapping their wings very beautifully flying over the clouds.
I keep walking ...
In the corner of the park, I looked at a couple of families who looked happy. But there was something different there, the smiling woman, with the pull of her lips that forced her to give a smile, her sharp eyes kept so many secrets and radiated a sadness of grief there. I know that woman is me, yes, I am that woman. What I see is the figure of myself who always pretends to be happy. All that is my story. The family is my family. There was my mother, brother, sister and brother. There is no father figure there.
My past has left so many heart wounds deep. Separation of parents, humiliation, torture I have felt. Maybe any bloody bleeding wounds will heal when given the medicine but the wound embedded and ingrained within the body takes a long process to heal it.
I keep walking through my steps ...
I never showed up all my sadness. I am the one who runs all the way of my life by going on and on giving my fake smile. Never did I want everyone to know my weakness, the weakness I had been afraid of, the weakness that would give me the wound back.
I stepped every trace of mine in pretense. That night, I looked back at the still-beautiful sky, despite its dark color. Unconsciously the tears kept falling down my cheeks, the sadness came to me with the memory of my past.
"Full moon Sleep, it's dark." A voice I know creeps into my room.
"Yeah." My tone is short.
I can not let anyone know of my grief. I just tell my sorrow only to Him. I know God will always hear every prayer of His Servant. But why does God seem reluctant to grant my prayer, why God always keeps silent when I pray.
I'm getting tired walking ...
I'm really tired of all the ways of my life. Why it all seemed to have snatched away inside me. Why did the wound continue to swelter in every spell of my mind. Even the wound is back again. How long has this happened to me?
I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of continuing to give my fake smile, I also want to be understood without necessarily telling all my sadness. I also want to be as happy as they are. Can I get it?
I was tired of walking, the road was like a dead end for me. All have been silenced. There is no light that lights my steps anymore even a little light does not exist for me.
My Steps Stopped ...
My steps stalled at the point of my decision. There will be nothing I regret in the way of my life. Maybe this is already my way. I will only see them all happy without them having to know my sorrow.
Now I realize that I must live my life gratefully to God. I am His chosen servant. The Lord showed His affection to me with all the trials that God gave on every path of my Life. Now I am sure and believe that God will always give way Ease Behind the Tribulation, The Grief Behind the Sadness.