1. Select a material that is empty but looks washable, DRYable, slavable. Looks like it will last between ironing and panel beating. Haggle over the material. Be sure it's not too expensive or else, complain that it is being sold to you. Be sure it's not too cheap or else, complain that it is NOT being sold to you. Make confirmations that the material has not being used by any other person even as you've used two of a similar looking material and 20 other designs from the same company. In the end however, you really don't want to get a material that is already out there or has been used. You are already okrika shoes, you don't want OK material.
2. Measure between 6-10 yards of the material. Depends on your body size. It could definitely be more but 6-10 is the desired size. Anything more than 10 is definitely going into the "I will cheat on you because you went out of shape" yard. You don't want this. You actually don't have a choice but let's pretend you don't want this.
3. You don't need to worry about measuring your body. The material is meant to cover all. The next step however is self trimming. You cut away a loud mouth, the tendency to argue, self pride, confidence, the right to be tired or lazy, the oyinbo mentality.
4. After the self trimming, you take a 15 inch needle and do the self shaping. You slowly sew on the comfort that slavery is love. Using 10 back stitches, attach a complete set of kitchen tools, you'll be needing this till death. Don't forget to do a seamless stitch over your mouth as you sew humility on your forehead. You honestly want to attach the yes zipper on your stomach just close to areas that were completely paid for. In between your armpit and your hip, put a manpleaser button as this makes you very attractive. Remember the reason for the material in the first place is this very need.
5. The final step of the self sewing is the big chop. Take a sharp knife (so it doesn't hurt) and cut off your head. Leave a little piece of your neck so it can be said you gave a little support. Too much neck means you're aspiring to be the head someday. The neck should be between 1-2 inches. You don't want news going around capable wife materials on Sunday. Girl.... You don't. Remember you're new. Stick to the instructions.
6. Let's go back to our material. Take the 6-10 yards and wrap it around the new you that you just shaped. Be sure to cover everywhere properly. Showing off any little thing means you're not ready to start off a new life.
7. When the covering is done, walk out for everyone to see.
If you don't get compliments enough, you need more self trimming or you didn't cut the neck low enough. Retrace your steps and do more.
8. Now that you've put on the material, sit back and carefully wait for your worth to be decided. Do not make any effort to tell yourself how much you deserve or else, you move from material to hoe. You become "paid to do... ". You don't need money for your worth. We don't want that. You've come all the way to 8. Sit down. Be humble.
9. To increase your worth, you can engage in humbling and advertising activities which have been clothed with the garment of TLC or dating as known on the streets. Did I say dating? I meant doting. Forgive the thread stuck in my throat. Do Obvious Tasks Inorder to get that Nigga knee on The ground. With a ring, with a cuff, with an assurance that the doting continues.
10. Shame anyone who hasn't gotten a material yet. Do not associate with them or else you'll be seen as material-less and your price could reduce.
11. Attach a scarf to your neck as you don't have a head no more. Tie is tightly so your forehead shine-bright-likka-diamond. I mean, foreneck. This whole material flying around. Sorry
12. I stop here because this is the number of months every year you will spend being a material.
I look forward to your testimonies about being found worthy.
Today is a good day for evil spirits. Invoke the angry ancestors today.
In the end, don't take life too serious.
Oh
12.5 Be in church
