Although I already have one article on this, I decided to write another for the "Supernatural Writing Contest" hosted by Jerry.
In this article, I will describe how it felt going through Kundalini by myself in Europe. Something unheard of on these lands. Or at least misinterpreted by the masses as some kind of illness.
But before I start I'd like to give a small overview of what Kundalini really is.
Kundalini is a form of Energy that sits locked within at the base of the spine. Under certain life circumstances and when a given individual is ready, the Energy is released. It changes the Human body into a perfect vessel of health and re-wires the Brain and Nervous system of the individual.
There are several ways of triggering this Phenomenon, yet mine was the most painful one. Typically this is a sort of right of passage given by a Guru when the person is ready. Typically, the Guru decides when a person is ready looking at his Karmic Cycle.
My Awakening of this energy was sadly triggered due to an overwhelming depression. That is one other way for it to trigger, so it may clean up the Karmic Cycle and liberate the individual from the inside out.
Into the Story
I was quite the damaged person when this happened but I didn't really understand how much pain and mistakes I had caused, made to other and myself as the years had passed. The amount of Karma I had stored within me was causing me to make only wrong and stupid decisions in my life. Constantly leading to disappointment and suffering. Typically this was due to my vast amount of Ignorance that had built up over the years.
On an Emotional level, that ignorance was saving me from the pain, so I could ignore the negativity from coming back to me when I make something stupid happen.
Once having the Kundalini awaken certain parts of my Brain got short-circuited, which changed the way I perceived everything and changed my rational decisions. Also, disabling my ignorance.
I was stuck reliving past life karma, present life karma, karma I had caused to others which came back to me. The thing which most pained me was that Everything was mainly Negative Karma. Reliving everything I had hated, despised and neglected in my life.
This, of course, is easily said, "Reliving Karma", but please don't underestimate the phenomenon. Perceiving this as an act and actually Experiencing it are two different things and the pain is felt on multiple levels of existence. Physical, mental, emotional. Only your consciousness is "Somewhat" safe. As it acts as the judge when you judge.
Out of all Honestly, I cannot describe this experience. It is beyond my Vocabulary. The only thing I can truly say is that it showed me that Life wasn't limited to only Physical Existence.
Overall the whole process took me Two years to manage. But for these two years, almost every day was a living Nightmare for me. The only period of peace was when I slept. Everything else within my days was Complete Crippling Anxiety. The first year I was unable to move due to the heavy load on the body as the Energy was working on the nervous system. There were several days where I couldn't even get out of bead.
Doctors couldn't help me, I was afraid to see a psychiatrist and I was afraid to tell my parents anything at all because the things that were going through my mind and I were experiencing had little to nothing to do with everyday life. I had several Near Death Experiences due to the Nervous System overloading and moments of Extreme Bliss.
The first year of this experience was the most gruesome, sadly I can't remember anything that went through my mind then due to extreme Anxiety, yet the only thing I remember was saying to myself, "When will this stop? I can't live like this.", sometimes several times a day.
Here in Europe people will take you for crazy, or if you try to go to a psychiatrist they might throw you on heavy meds or in a mental institute.
Aw, yeah I had around 6 months of Psychosis, where I was hearing voices in my head. Those were the awful days, I wish for no one to wake up being Judged by voices. At that point, I knew I couldn't bother going to a psychiatrist or telling my parents.
Luckily, I never stopped studying ancient scriptures, mysticism, spirituality and all sorts of forgotten teachings. I managed to stitch myself back up, finding pieces of the puzzle as I went about.
Right Now
Right now I don't regret one second of the pain, the wellbeing I have been blessed after my suffering and the Unconditional Love I've touched within myself, mainly for myself cannot be described by words or doings. I honor all the suffering because it saved my Soul from rotting away, by burning everything negative within me.
After releasing so much pain and big parts of my formed Ego, I managed to also find peace and harmony with my family, which helped them to feel better. My social life has died a bit because I couldn't manage to function for so much time but that can always be fixed. And I will be focusing on that this summer. I stopped working for the winter in order to go through this faster.
I don't recommend anyone forcing this event to happen in their lives unknowingly, like me. Most people that don't understand this might commit suicide [I've been on the edge] due to the heavy pain and fear.
I think that things would have been better if I went to India. There are many Ashrams that know of this right of Passage, yet deep down I knew I had to stay right where I am and endure all the pain that bled out.
And if by chance anyone is experiencing this and reading this.
The objective of my writing is not to make anyone who is experiencing a Kundalini awakening to think that they are not far along or to judge themselves. It is let you know that there is more beyond the pain, the discomforts, and the endless existential crises that occur and seem to dominate the serious literature on the subject…