It was exactly 11:54pm, and I staggered into my room like a wasted drunkard, with feelings of pain, regrets, and rage...
Pains from enduring a routine that doesn't seem to have an end.
Regrets for not grabbing opportunities when I ought to have grabbed them.
Rage from being tired of hearing my friends, siblings, partner, and society telling me I'm not doing enough.
They say I must toil the ground under the sun and rain before I can be called a hardworking person, they say if all I do is work a 9-5 job then am among men laziest...." why do you have to relax on one stream of income"? they ask. Subjected to consistent and unending labor that doesn't seem to yield results, I feel deceived, toiled with, pained, and I feel taken advantage of. Continuing in a routine for God knows how long doesn't feel fair. "PERSON WEY DEY DO ONE THING EVERYDAY DEY TIRE O!" I exclaimed!
How on earth did I ever believe there was light at the end of a tunnel? who put it there?
Perhaps, it is just a mirage, a gimmick for motivational speakers to sell themselves great! So, I got up from the floor where I had been wailing and crying my eyes out in sorrow and self-pity, I staggered to my fridge and grabbed a bottle of water to ease off my pains, then I proceeded to pick up my diary and my fancy pen. Even though I didn't have any inspiration for anything...I decided to write anyway. I started to write what I think feels like an achievement to me. I listed them in the order that makes me feel fulfilled.
š Sept 30th, 2012 - Represented my school in a beauty pageant and I won the crown
š14th April 2015 - Gain employment for my first job in teaching Academy
š2nd July, 2020 - Got promoted to a managerial role based on performance
š2nd Feb 2024 - As a Project Manager, I Carried out 3 difficult tasks assigned to my team
š8th May, 2024 - First public speaking experience with over 2,000 audience
At this point, the rage, the pain, the regrets all left instantly...As though someone operated them from my heart and applied a brighter countenance to my face. I felt chills running through my spine, unfathomable joy started flowing from within and the peace I felt in the moment knew no bounds. (I guess this is a feeling of fulfillment & satisfaction)
So, I ask again " Is there truly light at the end of a tunnel or it is just a mirage"?
How about we say, "There is no end to a means but there is a means to an end"?
I stand to be corrected even though what currently resonates within me is the fact that
II have come to believe that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but there is light upon every resolution, milestone, and achievement we make for ourselves.
Achievements don't have to be big; they only must be meaningful to you.
What is fulfillment if it doesn't resonate within you? what is light if you aren't the carrier? and what light do you think is at the end of the tunnel if not the one that resonates within you, which stems from how you glorify your own achievements?
As for me, I choose onwards, to celebrate my achievements and milestones, to count the things I've done for myself as the light that guides my dispositions instead of fixing my gaze, feeding my ears, and fueling my feelings to the opinions of the people around me. For me, there is definitely no end to my tunnel, but there are stages to it, and I won't stop celebrating myself every step of the way.
