"Gina, I'm happy for you."
I'm beside the woman whom I love for such a long time. I walk her through the aisle while waiting for her soon-to-be husband near the altar. That guy is crying while smiling and I can really tell how much happiness he's feeling right now seeing Gina in that pretty wedding dress. I'm just assuming how pretty she is right now because I can't look her in the eyes. It's too painful for me to witness how pretty she is and yet she can't be mine. It hurts me but I felt suffocating suppressing the pain inside.
Looking back many years have passed, we were so close that some people thought we were in a relationship. It's normal, we became friends when embarrassingly our teacher scolded us during high school days. We nodded, seeing each other eyes to eyes and smiling, pretending that it was nothing serious.
Our friendship started when our teacher told us to clean the room and couldn't go home if it couldn't be done. Since then it started as we started talking even though we were just strangers despite being classmates. She was a carefree woman and a bit clumsy. I nagged him sometimes when she always forgot her homework to bring to school. What to expect, a friend to rescue was what I did.
We became so close that we never thought of malice being together, apparently, it was just her. I tried to avoid glimpsing her when she just woke up and wore indecent clothes.
"What do you think you're wearing Gina?"
She looked at herself and acted like there was nothing wrong.
"There's nothing wrong with it?"
She acted clueless as if I'm not a man and just ignored that kind of vulnerability.
"Ah, forget it."
I left and I heard her smirking and yes we became roommates after graduating from high school. We became really close so we rented a boarding house with two rooms. I was comfortable living with her but her clumsiness sometimes irritated me.
"Can't you knock?"
I told her when she suddenly came in when I was in the bathroom. Luckily, I finished taking a bath and covered myself with a towel.
"Why? I'm a tenant here as well, right?"
She just replied and continued washing her face. I just ignored her with an annoyed face and left.
After we graduated from college we separated our ways. She's working in the next city because her company sent her as a representative there. I remained in the room we used to rent since my work as a chef was nearby.
Spending time in that lonely house when it was so lively not just long ago made me miss Gina so much. I tried to ignore and divert my feelings towards her because we are friends. I thought about her most of the time when I arrived home from work. Her clumsiness, carefreeness, and the things about her that I love made me love her even more, it came to my mind that I should have confessed to her.
We contacted each other but I felt like it was not enough to quench the thirst I had inside to see her. We had conversations through a video call but it felt like I felt very cold even though she warmed me with her endless stupid jokes.
"I miss her," I said to myself repeatedly even though I saw her from the phone from time to time.
I wonder who was opening the door all of a sudden. I rose from my bed and checked it.
"What happened to you, Dan?"
To my surprise, she asked me while catching her breath as if she was running to arrive.
"Why didn't you receive my calls?"
She worriedly asked me when I didn't answer her call for a week.
"Nothing, I was just busy at work because of the anniversary."
I told her but it seemed she didn't believe me. She approached me, checked my arms, my face, and my whole body.
"You don't look alright?"
She asked because of confusion and perhaps she didn't believe me.
"So annoying, enough."
She stopped after I spoke louder but I took it back what I said since she was just worried.
"Sorr-r-ry, I'm really fine."
After that, she went back to her work, and after 2 years had passed she returned. She said the company was doing fine there so she would start working here where the main company was residing. I didn't expect it but I planned to introduce her to my girlfriend Hana when Gina returned. She was very surprised because Hana came out of my room without letting Gina be ready for my own introduction when I was in the dining room cooking.
"Gina, she is Hana." I paused. "She is my girlfriend."
I could see from Gina's eyes, the disappointment and the pain.
"Oh, really you have a girlfriend?"
Gina pretended to smile even though it's obvious that she was in pain.
Hana just smiled and introduced herself.
"Oh, it's perfect Gina because we will be meeting a friend of hers and I was hoping you would accompany us since the person we will meet will be alone."
"Okay," Gina just agreed without hesitation.
We arrived at the place and I introduced Gina to Johnny. Gina was a carefree type of girl and that's the reason everyone can be friends with her easily. They started talking and they looked like they were having fun. I was happy about it but my chest felt like it was crumpled while watching Gina happily talking with a man. Gina's eyes met mine and she smiled, it hurts me more because of it.
Months passed by, Gina and Johnny were enjoying themselves in a relationship. I had always watched Gina so happy with Johnny and always had a broken heart. I regretted introducing her to Johnny but I know that was the best for her. Johnny was a good person and successful too, he has a decent job and a stable lifestyle. It was me who chose him to be Gina's partner forever. I love Gina so much that all I wanted was to make sure Gina would be in good hands.
After being in a relationship, Johnny decided to get them married and forced Gina to agree. It's hard to find a loving and kind guy these days even though I was dying when I said so.
"Gina, I'm happy for you."
I held her hand to hold mine before we started walking in the aisle. I can hear her sobbing but don't let a single tear, perhaps it must be suffocating for her to do this. Am I just being selfish or am I just like this because I love Gina so much that I want her to be happy when I'm gone.
"She is now my responsibility."
Johnny whispered when I handed Gina's hand to him with a bright face, being so happy. I just nodded and prevented myself from crying from being jealous, hopeless, and desperate that Gina should be mine. I didn't finish the wedding and left the church with a disappointed heart. I expressed all my pain when I was outside already by crying so hard like a child lost his toy.
"That's for the best," I sighed and continued walking away and let the tears keep on falling as I'm taking steps.
All of a sudden someone hugs me from the back.
"How could you do this to me?"
It's a voice that came from Gina, crying and obviously anguished.
"Why are you doing this to me, Dan? I can't take your stupid lies and selfishness anymore. I thought I'd be doing this for your happiness but seeing myself getting married to another man because of thinking this would be the best. I can't anymore, especially that I know you're hurting from those pretentious lies."
"What do you mean?"
I asked her with some doubts.
"Did you really think that I didn't know you and Hana are not actually in a relationship? Did you really think I'd just accept it? We've known each other and I know how you treat a woman when you love her?"
She's crying and crying and I was thinking to ignore her and leave but I can't.
"I know everything that your relationship with Hana was just an act but why are you doing this?"
It's hard for me to answer her questions since I've been hiding them for a while. I was determined to keep it to myself until the day of my last breath.
"Enough Gina! Go back to your wedding."
She didn't do it and continued holding my body when I tried to push her away. Of course, I feel pity for her, I love her and I don't want this to happen.
"Gina!" I shouted.
She suddenly hugged me tight instead and said,
"I love you, Dan, it's just you whom I want to be with forever."
After hearing what Gina said, my mind went blank and a sudden feeling melted my heart to encourage me to be honest to myself. I couldn't control myself anymore and I said "I love you too" through whispered, hugged her so tight, and cried.
"I've always wanted to do this to you, Gina, you had no idea how I've longed to do this. I love you so much that it kills me to see you will be happy to others but not to me."
My emotions let flow like a river full of water.
"I'm dying Gina, I have cancer, my days on earth are numbered. I chose to be broken rather than seeing you being broken when I'll be leaving you. I didn't want to promise you happiness when I'll just leave you sooner. Please understand."
She's crying hard even more after learning the truth and she can't believe that it's happening to me. She asked me a few questions about my sickness and I just answered her with proof that I'm not lying.
"If you're dying, then you should spend your life with me even more. Don't worry if I'll be in pain later because it's part of being in love."
I'm happy with what she said and at least a little she gave me hope in life. It's just so painful knowing that I'll just leave her soon and it makes me sadder.
"Don't worry, let's enjoy life more and make sure you will never forget when you are in heaven."
He noticed me being silent and he discouraged me to act like that. She offered me happiness and I should mind being thankful.
I was completely defeated by her and we asked for forgiveness from Johnny because their wedding didn't happen. We offered money as compensation for the money spent on that wedding but Johnny is kind and didn't let us. We decided to live together and went back to our treatment when we were just in college like young ones. I don't know until when I can still live but one thing is for sure. I'll enjoy life since I have the opportunity to enjoy it.
Thank you for reading
mrnightmare