You know there are sometimes in life when things get overwhelming. You facing challenges here, problems there, probably some past mistakes haunting you or people who have done you wrong and you just want to get away from it. Or other times it could be none of those things and you just want to leave. And then suddenly you’re offered that chance.
There’s a thrill that comes with moving to a new place. Like a new city, a new state, maybe even a new country. It’s like you’re a new person, like you’re reborn. You could be anything and anyone you want. Nothing is holding you back. No one holding you back.
I know some people may see it as running away but I don’t totally agree. I just feel it’s starting anew. Like you’ve been given a new slate and you’re now told to make good memories, make better choices, and meet new people. It’s a chance at something better. A second chance, if you will.
I’d been sitting somewhere with a friend from Church. I’d been seeing her around but we’d never talked. So, we started talking and I found so many similarities I had with her. Our experiences, the things we liked…. Surprise, surprise, we even have the same name. So, the next thing we started talking about schooling and I told her the plans I had. And she was like why don’t I school somewhere else, like another state.
And that thought never occurred to me so I told her what others had told me which was that the college in this state was the best when it came to that course. And she debunked it and told me to do my research better.
I’ll admit I pushed the thought away but as I got back home I started thinking “Why didn’t I ever think of this?” It didn’t sound bad at all. I immediately knew which state I’d go to and good enough, I had a couple of cousins in that state so I wouldn’t completely be alone. The more I thought of it, the more appealing it sounded.
And everything in my mind as I mulled over it was, I had a second chance! I’ll go somewhere else where no one knows me, where I don’t have to be plagued by the people in my past. Where I could finally get the independence I so craved for. No more spotlight. No more drama. I’d go there and blend into the background completely. I wouldn’t have to hear, “Oh Tess, what happened. I heard…” or “Remember that time Tess where you….” Nope. None of that. The people in this new place would only see the things I showed them. They would only know the things I tell them. A clean slate. I’d been given a clean state.
Overcome by excitement, I told my family and I made them see reason with me. I did my research beforehand and found out this college was one of the best for my course. So, I made them see reason. At least, I tried to. Mum said it was alright with her but Dad was sceptical. Saying it was too far and all of that. And if I had unexpected problems, who would I run to? But I reminded him of my cousins and in the end he grudgingly accepted.
The very next day I started the procedure of the change of institution. And I waited happily then a few months later, problems arose in that state. There was a lot of robbery on the roads, lynching of people. It was a catastrophe. I prayed fervently that no one in my family would get to read about the gruesome happenings there but of course, they did.
Next thing Dad sat me down and said he would never forgive himself if he let me go there with all those problems and then something happened to me. I stated that I didn’t even have to go by road but he was still not convinced and said that I think of the emotional turmoil I’d put the family through. asked that I change my institution back to the previous one.
Right there I saw all my dreams crash before my eyes, my clean slate was gone. I was back to square one. No clean slate. Only the past and I’d have to face it head on. I was beyond distraught.
But when I managed to stop sulking and started getting my head together. I started to think again. One thing I’ve come to love about myself is my ability to be rational when it comes to it and give myself sound advice. So, I mused that there’s no better place to have a clean slate than in the place you are. I didn’t need to have anything bother me. I just had to hold my head high and be proud of the person I’d come to be. And the more I reasoned, the more peaceful my heart felt with it.
Not exactly the clean slate I wanted, but a clean slate all the same.❤️
