One interesting thing about being an adult is that you don't really get to take sick days. Earlier this week my carcass decided to tap out, which was really rather inconvenient and beyond annoying. Many times throughout the year, and especially during the fall and winter, I get flares. I don't know about ya'll, but one really needs one's cognitive function to function, so when a person is thinking-impaired by an autoimmune attack flair, it's sorta not helpful.
A cool silver lining is I am really rather well experienced in functioning in a not quite all there state. It really takes it out of me though, so the last few days have been a bit of a trial. If you can imagine someone firmly grasping your brainstem from the base of your skull all the way up through the middle of your cranium and squeezing repeatedly with a rude amount of force, that's part of what I am going through.
Plus the insects. I hate the insects. It feels like millions of little creepy crawlies are traipsing all over my skin, while at the same time my bones actually radiate pain.
Good times.
But, being an adult awaits no matter what. So through my cloud of brain fog I wrote papers and did reading assignments, I paid bills, I stacked firewood. I took care of my family and homestead. There is no rest for the wicked and no convalescing for the chronically ill.
We just keep going.
Now, I don't write this out of a desire for sympathy, empathy, or accolades. Nope, I write this as a situation-defining missive on behalf of members of the chronically ill community. We have tons of practice functioning, in fact, most people wouldn't know we are struggling to function.
The thing is, we often just keep going because we don't know how to stop, and honestly, if we did, we might not start back up again. that fear is real.
So, when I write posts about dehydrating garlic for winter use, my adventures in travel, and all of the glorious interactions that I get to experience in my day to day life adventure, just know that I am doing that from a place of pain most of the time.
Pain and an absolute elation that I am alive and experiencing the world, even if it is through a haze of hurt most days.
