Journal Entry Nomad Adventures in Luxembourg - 3 Mai 2024
I think I have become non-functional. The dreams & goals of those that I meet feel alienating. Everybody is on the Run. Here I am, here, together with this beautiful Dragon in the form of a Dog. Moving, but, going nowhere. Suspended in the void, suspended in the unknown.
Desireless for everything I know but hungry for something I've never had. Suspended, like the hanged man. Held by life, upside down. Learning how to Sacrifice myself to my Self. Without bearings, my compass points in the middle, no longer outwardly. Will it recalibrate if I digest & remain in my center? Will it eventually point in the direction of a path or a trail never walked? How do I move without a destination in mind , but always arriving & having arrived at the destination that is my Heart?
Kymia & Me, two souls walking through uncertainty. Without Home, but yet at Home wherever we find ourselves, every here & now. At home in life. At home in our being.
Odd situation, weird turn of events. Will we slip through the cracks, find the secret door that leads in-between? Will we learn how to drop our particularity to move as the undulations of a non-local wave? Am I just being prepared to wait out the inevitable collapse of the old? Being put on active standby, ready but idling? Or are these all non-sensical questions?
I've looked Death too many times in the Face, I stared too deeply & too often into the abyss of madness, what made sense no longer makes sense, what looked like dreams appear as nightmares now. Have I just become non-functional & crazy? Or have I gained sobriety & the burden of functioning according to my will alone.? Having become Non-functional if my function is to be merely cheaply exploited. Or is this all just delusional?
Kymia & Me, she keeps me grounded, she makes me move, even if I do not always know where, I make her move even if she does not always know where. Here & Now, She & Me are together, that is all that counts.
-Shahanshah Artin
