Silence

It would seem funny from afar, he thought; maybe he'd even think so were it happening to someone else. But from where he stood, the epicentre, the joke was lost on him and the word funny didn't feel appropriate._{im src}

There were other words though and they weighed heavily upon him.

It was hard to breathe at times so heavy was the burden. He felt unbalanced and fell often, crash landing mostly; moments of deep sadness and loss. He'd pick up the scattered pieces each time though, tried to refit them into his jigsaw puzzle and move forward, but before long it happened again; A crash landing, and besides, there were pieces missing anyway; irreplaceable pieces.

Funny. No it wasn't, not even a little. Foolish. Maybe, but for her he was a willing fool.

He smiled wistfully, a sad lop-sided smirk, almost imperceptible. Every time he thought of her he smiled; a smile that began in his heart. He smiled remembering that day she'd popped into his life so unexpectedly but at exactly the right moment, not that he knew it was the right moment before the instant she'd arrived, but something had clicked and it became the right moment. He'd never forget. His heart seemed to open right then and things that had seemed wrong, fractured, were somehow better.

He'd not forget; he didn't know how to. Not for the first time he cursed his keen memory so unable to forget much at all.

It caused sleepless nights and moments where he'd wake in panic with remembered events and actions from his past; he could deal with that but it was the clarity it brought that was difficult. Her image, the words they had spoken, emotion linking them despite the distance, the memory of who he'd become because of her; himself yes, but different, better somehow. It seemed improbable of course, the depth of it all, but there it was right in front of him, there she was within him. Improbable? Impossible? No, beautiful and beautifully real. Lost or found, right or wrong, there she was.

A spoon dropped and he left the place within came back to the world without...

...the sounds of the café brought him from his reverie. Jumbled conversations, people moving about, sounds of cups and cutlery, chairs scraping, phones buzzing; it was life proceeding as usual but it couldn't for him. Her face appeared once more, those eyes of hers, and the world around faded to grey, indistinct shapes and he was once more surrounded by the silence within and he found her memory there again.

He was a fool, he thought wryly, a foolish man unable to find the conviction or sense to understand her silence for what it was.

He was so different since she'd captured him; formerly a mess of shattered pieces then all of a sudden combined and in place. A man who had found clarity, a comfortable place to rest, direction to travel; and a place to stay and never leave. She'd told him as much too. He was captured certainly, but now...the silence...it felt like he was within a glass box with everything in view, just out of reach, unable to be touched, held and felt. No sound, just memories, loss, concern and the rest of those words that weighed on him.

It's funny, he thought as the merest hint of a smile touched his lips. It's funny that I can't find the courage to let go despite her silence which deafens me to all other sounds and the vision of her that blinds my sight to anything but her. The smile faded as his heart took over and he grasped more desperately for memories of her.

He didn't want to find the courage to let go; he didn't even want to try in truth. Beauty, no matter the form or shape it takes, is beauty and she was beautiful to him, made him feel it in return, an unfamiliar feeling. She seemed to catch him as he fell without even from a distance. He knew she was with him no matter where she physically was, that she'd cared and it was enough. Her emotional-touch lessened the pain, doubt, fear and terrible memories of a past life to be replaced with simple beauty, pastel colours, a picnic on a yellow blanket in the meadow, and the word together. It was enough. She was enough. She was everything but...

...he was a fool and knew it but ignored that in preference to the silence deep down within him, the quiet place where he always found her. That silence and the place he found it was the only place that made her silence almost bearable. Almost.

[A rapid-fire fiction throwdown using the prompt-word silence.]

[Links are to YouTube tracks that relate to the corresponding word in the text - Just for something different. 😶]