I am never the type to indulge myself in the wonderful works of motivational speakers and their ability to paint fallacies into reality. At a time when motivational speaking is turning heads and every Tom, Dick and Harry suddenly develops the extraterrestrial ability to motivate, I tend to distance myself from it. However, there was one time I was desperate enough to turn to motivational speakers for solutions to the myriad of problems I was battling.
About a decade or so ago, someone shared with me one of Brian Tracy's incredible works: The 21 Success Secrets of Self Made Millionaires. It was a time when I was less busy so I took time out to actually read the book. Admittedly, the book is good; like, real good. And I actually learnt some stuff from it anyway. But of the 21 supposed secrets he leaked, one of them actually stuck with me.
The one secret that won't go away?
90% of a man's success is dependent on his reference group.
Reference groups are the people that surround a person; the ones we talk to when we have problems. They are the ones we celebrate our success and mourn our failures with. According to Brian, if your reference group is trash, brace yourself up for a life of near misses, pain, and regret. And if your reference group is filled with people of means and influence, then success is knocking at your door. In other words, iron sharpens iron.
I never took this seriously and I probably suffered for it. As I struggled to shed the cloak of failure draped round me, I realized those around me were actually looking at my struggling self for a way out of our struggles. How can I be the reference point when I can't even find a way to sort out my own mess and lead myself to success? It was frustrating and annoying to realize those I surround myself with couldn't really help out. So I decided to do something drastic - and silly!
The worst reason I ever let go of a person(s) was because I believed he(they) were useless to my cause. You see, at some point I was success oriented to the point I was willing to sacrifice impeccably built relationships just to forge ahead. I started seeing people from the perspective of what they can offer me, and not about how good they are. My newly found path back then cost me a lot of important, long term relationships.
Honestly, we've all let go of important relationships at one point or the other due to one thing or the other. Asides the most improbable one which is ending a romantic relationship, a lot of friendships that blossomed at one point died off due to several reasons. I can't even remember the last time I talked to the guys who I formed cliques with back in school days. After we graduated, our paths took a different turn and we journeyed to the path life placed in front of us. Afterall, 20 boys will not play together for 20 years.
Ending relationships in such a manner is no crime. If we come across each other tomorrow we'd still sit and enjoy some liquor together. However, cutting off people because I felt they were useless to my cause? For that, there was no turning back. I haven't come across some of the dudes I did that to back then. I hope I won't come across them anytime soon. It was a mistake I regret till today. No one knows tomorrow.
