Another week means another community contest. As I read @joanstewart's questions, my heart was captivated, and I am so grateful to have answered them since I could relate them to my current situation.
1️⃣ What is a big risk to take in life for you at this moment in time, and what is the least risk you feel around you? Imagine big risk as losing everything — be it physical goods or loss of a loved one — placing you into a risky situation. Least risk might be learning something new that might bolster you up going forward in life, art, photography, music which would you feel comfortable doing.
I have previously written about the profound effect that my mother's death last year had on my life. Having a child has been one of the significant risks I have had to take as a breadwinner for the past few years.
I was diagnosed with a 5cm myoma last year, the same year my mom passed away. To remove the myoma as quickly as possible, my ob gyne advised me to become pregnant as soon as possible rather than having surgery now, which could put my future pregnancy at risk.
Naturally, I know I am already the appropriate age—my long-term partner and I have been dating for about 11 years. Even so, I'm unsure how I'll manage another responsibility given my inability to manage my circumstances appropriately, particularly regarding money.
Even though I've been supporting my family financially ever since my mother died, losing a mother meant that I also had additional obligations to my father, my younger sister's education, and my other siblings.
I was under a lot of stress and overthought. Even so, I had to take chances and put things aside for myself—not just because I didn't want to take on any more obligations but also because I had given my mother my word that I would allow my youngest sister to complete her education before getting married.
I have to take a chance right now, even though I know it will be risky. I must repeatedly show selflessness to fulfill my promise to my mother.
2️⃣ How do you feel when alone answering your thoughts? Possibly you shared things in the past with your mother, grandmother, or sister — someone now no longer with you — do you turn to them asking what would they say if they were with you today? Please share those inner thoughts and fears you carry in your heart.
Since my mom was my best friend and knew everything about me, I used to share things with her while living with my parents. She was aware of my happy and sad moments. I usually told her everything.
I usually talk to her when I'm having a bad day and I'm in pain, and after our talk, everything is generally alright.
However, things have changed; I could not even cry with her about things. Every time I'm by myself, I can no longer speak; all I can do is sob aloud until I fall asleep. And sometimes I whisper, "Mama, please help me; I can't take it anymore." Then, all of a sudden, I read a post titled "A letter from heaven," and it seemed like my mother was speaking to me on the note's behalf. And this is how it is stated:
To my daughter,
I sincerely hope that the time you have spent with me has not been marred by grief and heartache. I hope they have been full of all the happiness, love, and strength you deserve.
Please know that even though I am no longer physically present with you, I constantly watch you and haven't missed a beat. I know you've had difficulty dealing with my death, but I hope you keep living life to the fullest. Life is full of ups and downs. I want you always to remember that life is a gift and to make the most of it.
Cherish life, explore the world, show kindness to everyone, and never give up on your dreams. Please remember that you always have a part of me with you when feeling down. Regardless of distance, our connection will always be there. My heart is with you.
*Please remember me whenever you feel lost or alone. Recall all of our beautiful moments together, our laughter, and our love. *
You have to know, my daughter, that my love for you has never faded, even though I know I can't be there to reassure you that everything will be alright.
Never forget that I'm always in your heart. I'll see you again and give you a big hug when the time is right.
Warm regards from Heaven,
Mom.
It seemed like she was speaking to me as I read this. I felt sore, even though I was crying so much.
Without her, life would have been radically different. I think about her every day, and I still do. Her laughter, wisdom, and love are woven into my heart.
I miss our conversations, her hugs, her advice, and most of all, I miss her deeply. She was not just my mother. She was everything to me—my rock and my biggest fan.
I've never known a better person than her. She served as my compass and the sun in my sky.
I will always love her even though she is no longer with me, and I will always honor her memory by doing everything I can to live my life to the fullest and make her proud.