I once had a client ask me if he thought there was any true altruism in the world. I think I"ve share this before
I think he expected me to say yes. And perhaps thought, as we do until we know ourselves a bit better, that either him (or I) was the pure altruist.
"Nope." I said. "Everybody benefits in some way from the actions they choose to take. It's what motivates us to take any action at all."
At first we may think we're helping others because we're "good" people and it's the "good" thing to do. Which kinda makes you wonder why some of us are so bent on being "good" and "perfect", doesn't it?
Sometimes, we help people compulsively because it helps us feel that we're stronger, more capable and more secure. On it! And so we can, for a while, avoid how we may feel about ourselves when we're all alone with nothing to distract us from ourselves.
And (often) it's because of unskilled parenting. Children who are raised to take care of the adults around them because the adults aren't healthy and individuated enough themselves to parent their children.
There's also the validation from others, and society at large, when folks are altruistic. We must be "good" people (or businesses and corporations) because we do this, surely?
Yeah... once-upon-a-life-ago I also believed pure altruism was "true".
These days, I know a bit better how we humans work.
And that's okay, by the way. Nothing to feel awful about if you enjoy helping people and it makes you feel better about the world as well. And I think you're an asshole if you're a thriving business and you don't, quite frankly. Oops... judgy, Nicky!
What I'm trying to say is that when we know ourselves, and others by rote, a bit better...
we can make better choices on what action to take.
We become less naive, in other words.
So you'd be able to choose which charity or individual to donate to, for example, that may be walking the walk better than somebody who is scammin' the scam. Promoting more "right action". And you'd be able to choose which "side" to support when a scuffle (inevitably) breaks out to (possibly) stop it in its tracks. Or even avoid a fight among only humans.
See?
My point is, again, the more truth is more beneficial to all of us, than the illusions we may have about ourselves and other people...
because it really does "set you free" in very many ways.
It sets all of us free.
So sharing this way of walking in the world benefits me and my kids. Because I'm fuckin' done with a lot of the world at large right now.
And sharing what I have to share is the only way I think the things that have caused me, and my kids, some real harm...
may change.
The reasoning behind the persistence. Education is, really, the only plausible solution.
But I'm actually writing this post to acknowledge a someone who I think is a "real superhero".
And because I told @honeydue I meant to do it and, with things as they are in our societies and communities these days, it's all too easy to "go quiet" to avoid the kickback of other people's unconscious stuff.
Especially if you're already struggling and trying to rebuild.
R3sist. 🔥 But safety first.
I'm only sharing my thoughts on altruism with you (and @honeydue) because I want need to stay humble and focused to stay "recovered".
I've been around for a while and I also know, full well, the rather swimmingly and profound way "Life" will kick you in the nuts if you lose sight of just how only human you actually are.
I have respect for this part. Been there. More than once. It sucks. Lesson learned. Proceed with caution.
So I check my ego, these days, a LOT.
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In fact... my greatest fear, these days, is that I'll get all "successful", "forget" everything I've learned and I'll have to go through the (truly awful at times) process of learning it all again.
How ironic, then, that the only way I may get enough people, to respect me enough, to read or listen to anything I have to say; and for me to be safe while the information is being shared... is to become either rich or famous. 🤔
Um... ideas most welcome.
Maybe Pay It Forward?
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So I offered UR already Perfect to the managing Sister at the local government clinic, in Kleinmond, a couple of days ago.
In the form of myself, and a support group, for less privileged humans in the area who can't afford private treatment. There's nothing much happening, in the Overberg, to address what is a pretty serious problem with alcohol and drugs in the Western Cape. Or any of the... well... "poorer" financially, to be clear areas out here.
Slim to no options for families, really.
I also offered to step in and take background histories, of patients coming in to the clinic for such, for the doctors.
Superheros for real when you see the amount of patient files. And waiting lines. Yet the staff still keep their sense of humour, are inordinately kind and are all systems go go go for pretty intense shifts.
Almost every day.
All of this kinda puts things into perspective a bit. Doesn't it?
It's also why I try to do service, you know.
It keeps me on my feet, out of "victim" mentality and moving forward during the times I'd prefer to hide under a duvet. If you do that long enough you struggle to get back up.
Or you don't get back up at all.
I actually went in to address this might be cancer thingy that I was supposed to have addressed from a while back already (three plus months now).
I didn't have a car to sort this out until recently, though.
Transport from Pringle Bay to both Kleinmond and the nearest government hospital for the suggest op, in Hermanus, was difficult. More so with storms, road closures and the waiting times in government facilities with a possibility that you won't actually get your turn and may have to return again.
I didn't feel as though it was dangerous to wait a bit. And I didn't think it was likely (confirmed by a doctor) that it was cancerous. But it's the correct protocol apparently.
Also... I've faced this particular fear repeatedly and it doesn't bother me now.
At all.
But I'm an adult and I try to be responsible for me, so off to the clinic I finally went and as soon as I walked into the facility I felt better than I have in some time.
More "at home".
Now... most more privileged folks in my country would balk at going into government healthcare. They just won't do it, in fact. But I had to eventually. Some years ago now.
What I found was excellent care and staff. And a far more "human" experience, which I prefer these days. No longer being able to pretend and all. Or wanting to anymore.
The staff always look at me a bit curiously and, at times, suspiciously and with some of their "stuff" judgement again clearly evident. Economics are still related to race, in South Africa, and it's not common to find a "me" in these circles.
Clearly educated. Clearly privileged.
And somehow f*ck broke.
So, of course, I find the whole thing hilarious because I know who I am now and I don't get all defensive and pissy anymore and when I get all vibey and start to chat and engage everybody warms up almost instantly.
It's also the Respect though.
I'm polite and I wait my turn because I'm "not a special or unique snowflake", right?
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“You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club I'm consistent though, huh? Because he did nail it.
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People appreciate being treated with respect and respond in kind.
Especially when you don't expect everybody else to jump into your perspective or way of walking in the world simply because it's thought to be more "okay". Or "normal". Or "better". Or it's more privileged. 🙄
I left apologising to the staff saying, "Jammer. My Afrikaans is vieslik!" sadly shaking my head, while they laughed at me.
I may have to get back on my game with my Afrikaans in the next bit... time will tell...
You know that sense of existential "isolation" that many of us feel if we dig deep enough?
I reckon most of it is this. 👇
Concepts and human constructs that we've been led to believe define who we "are".
And so separate us. From both ourselves and each other.
Nope. No thank you very much.
I don't want to forget and lose everything that I've gained by shedding most of that utter nonsense.
p.s. But mine's bigger than yours
I also know that having to walk like this in the world without money and the undue respect and protection it affords people, from the get-go, is the very reason that folks working under such very challenging circumstances can still be okay with things.
And still work together with open-mindedness and tolerance.
And respect.
And even humour while they get on with it all.
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nurse in the waiting room: Mr [name of patient]?
the waiting room: *silence
nurse in the waiting room: Mr [name of patient] going once... going twice... going three times... okay... gone!
the waiting room: *we all laugh together
Meanwhile Out There...
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Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
All photo editing done with GIMP.
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