In my first content, as promised, I will be sharing to you extraordinary stories of people whose lives has been tested thru time. These stories will surely inspire all of you who may relate or who knows someone that can relate. Wherever we are in the world, we all have stories to tell worthy to be read by people in all walks of life. The stories that I will share to you today and on the upcoming days will surely enlighten you on the realities of life outside our turf—stories that will bring about hope and love.
What I will share to you today is the life of a friend of mine who underwent series of challenges in her life. I, personally, have witnessed her downfalls and how she was able to conquer them which is why I chose her story to share to you. Although she wanted her life to be like in the fairytales, it did not turn out that way. It’s a story of surviving in this seemingly unjust society where perfection has become a source of toxicity.
Here is Alex, and this is her story.
Roberto Pulgo, otherwise known as “Alex” is one of my closest friends hailing from Ormoc City, Leyte, which is dubbed as the City of Beautiful People. She is a BS Education major in English Student studying very hard to become a teacher someday. Outside her academic life, she is a Wedding and Events Coordinator and a freelance writer. She is a proud member of the LGBTQIA+ community and is a vibrant member of the Sts. Peter and Paul Parish Youth Ministry. She is against bullying as she herself was a victim of it.
Her everyday life is ever-dynamic as she doesn’t want to have a sedentary life. She is full of colors. On weekends, we always stay at her house roasting pork and cooking other food and stay by the beach. By the way, the sea is literally outside her house.
Currently, she is quite busy doing her gig as a full-time Wedding and Events Coordinator, and doing tutorials to three children.
Last Sunday, I had a tete-a-tete with her. I told her that I will be sharing inspiring story and she was up for it. Alex was quite hesitant at first because she will be revealing some of her dark pasts but she was game for it because she wants to “move on”. As a matter of fact, the first step to healing is to talk.
Alex is a person who has “a lot of dreams in life”. She wants to become a vlogger, an actor, a strong advocate to certain causes especially bullying. She wants her voice to be heard as she was a victim of being silenced for too long. As mentioned, she doesn’t want to remain stationary. She really strived so hard in order for her to achieve her goals in life, soon.
I asked her about what specific experience that really created the greatest impact in her life. She said, “Being born with a black skin color, people see me differently. They start to bully me and called me names that are very much insulting. It was very tough because I felt that beauty is only for the white people.” She was discriminated greatly since childhood. “I became obsessed of becoming white and when I can no longer handle the pressure, I tried committing suicide… I hated myself”, she said. In the society that we are in, people have different perceptions towards beauty. Unfortunately, a lot of us becomes so obsessed in attaining beauty that it becomes toxic. There are already people suffering from eating disorders and body dysmorphia because they are very anxious of the way they look. The social media became also a platform of advertising beauty which causes a lot of insecurities towards other people. At some point, most of us are still enclosed to the idea that the standard of beauty is equated to sexy. More and more people have external locus of identity wherein they based their self-worth to the insatiable desires and acceptance of other people. Which should not be the case. Each person is one, true, good, and beautiful regardless of skin color.
I asked her what made her realize not to continue committing suicide. She said, “I realized that my life is way more precious than silver and gold. It’s not worth it to end just because I don’t get acknowledgment from others. If they won’t allow me to enter their doors, I will break the wall and create my own.” She also mentioned that serving the Church really helped her recover from that depressing point of her life because it really enlightened her to value her life. Together with her friends, she became stronger. She does not need to exert even more effort to be accepted because her family, friends, and churchmates accepted her for who she is—flaws and all.
She also shared to me her darkest secret. She was sexually abused by her own cousin. I was hesitant to include this in my writing as this information has been kept secret ever since it happened to her. However, she said that it’s okay to share so that “if there are people who underwent the same experience, I can extend my care to them.” To let them feel that they are not alone and that no matter how tragic and traumatic the situation was, they can still blossom. There’s always rainbow after the rain. She told me that when she was a child, she was abused by her cousin for more than a year. She has been carrying the burden for so long a time and she felt relieved when she finally able to talk about it. Being molested by her own flesh and blood created a big scar. Even so, she did her best not to escape it but to live with it because whatever she does, it already happened.
The suffering that she faced in her lifetime have caused despair in her part. However, we cannot know light without knowing darkness. We can never appreciate hope with having experienced despair. “Dum spiro, espero”—As long as I breathe, I hope.
But just like other saints, she also experienced the “Dark Night of the Soul”. She encountered crossroads and went astray. Lust and desires blinded her at some point in her life. She said, “It was as if I did not feel God.” It’s ironic to hear because she is serving the church and yet it happened to her. But it actually happens. There are instances in our lives that our faith will be tested. We will face a situation wherein we feel that our prayers are unheard and that we try to fill a void that is impossible to fill in with other means. “How did you cope”? I asked. She said, “It was difficult as it became my habit. But with the help of my friends, continued to hold on to that golden thread that will lead me back to the right path.”
She is well aware that she did not experience this out of chance but it was to prepare her for something greater. Quoting the Prophet Jeremiah, she said. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to give you hope and a future.” She considered all the happenings in her life as the “blueprint” of God’s greatest architectural design for her. She said that whenever we go astray, God will give us a slight tap on the shoulder or a hard pinch on the arm. She continued, “He allows us to experience falling down so that we can pick ourselves up from the ground and move on with a better outlook in life using our pain as a stepping stone.” She said it so beautifully. In fact, I recalled that the wonderful thing about hitting rock bottom is that there is no other way but to go up.
She told me that she is very thankful to go through those pain because it made her who she is today. She became resilient. Whatever pain, difficulty, and distress, she will continue to entrust everything to God—He is always cooking up something good for her.
As we end our conversation, I asked her what would be her message to the world and these are her words:
“We all have our ups and downs. We have our fair share of trials and tribulations. But none of these are accidents. They happened for a reason. I thought I would be forever helpless and hopeless. But no matter how big or small our problems are, always know that you are not alone. If the world will not give you roses, plant your own garden. We are unique, we are the best, we are “beautiful no matter what they say”. Always remember that God is a doting Parent. He will never leave us nor forsake us even if we despise Him a million times. He created us beautifully and we will remain beautiful in the eyes of our Creator.”
I hope the story of Alex will inspire you as we go through life’s challenges. Yes, life is hard but that’s what makes it amazing. We have our own tapestry and each needle that passes through are the pains we feel every single day. But when it is finished, you marvel to the beauty of your created masterpiece.
Once again, I am your narrator of people’s experience of hope and love.
Always remember,
Beauty is meant to make us free. If you are obsessed over it, you allow yourself to be shackled to insecurities and false notion of perfection. Do not forget that real beauty comes from the inside which radiates on the outside.
Stay tuned to my next story featuring the extraordinary lives of people from different walks of life.
Take care, ‘cause I care!
Ampyng!
Disclaimer: All photos used were deliberately given by Alex. Authority was hereby given to Ampyng for the purpose of this write-up.