Bureau Rats - Season 2 - Episode 10

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Episode 10

Scene 1

At a sprawling field of offices within the BORE complex is housed the Department Of Bombing And Missile Strikes. Two middling bureau rats, Shooter McLaughin and Alice Gunner are starting their day at their overpriced desks.

Shooter McLaughin: Is it Monday already, Alice?

Alice Gunner: Today’s Tuesday, Shooter. Yesterday was a holiday.

Shooter: Ah, right. Those Monday holidays always throw me off. (glances at computer screen) We sure do have a lot of memos. We’d better dive in, right?

Alice Gunner: I thought we could have some coffee and donuts for the first couple hours before we actually do anything work related.

Shooter: Sweet idea. I’ll bust out my flask.

Viper interrupts: Before you hit that flask, you should really take a look at that first memo, in ALL CAPS, from Silk Rabbit.

Shooter (hits flask): I’m not gonna let an AI tell me what to do.

Alice Gunner (reading memo): This can’t be right. There are 101 bombings and missile strikes scheduled 24 hours from now.

Shooter (casual): That does seem kind of high.

Alice Gunner: Maybe we should ask the boss.

Shooter: Viper, connect me to Mister Cannon’s office.

Viper: Mister Cannon is currently unavailable.

Alice Gunner: Why? Is he busy getting bribed again by some fixers from defense contractors?

Viper: I can neither confirm nor deny that.

Alice Gunner: No big deal. We can wait.

Shooter: I have a deck of cards. Wanna gamble?

Alice Gunner (enthusiastic): Might as well!

Six hours later…

Viper: Mister Cannon has returned from his day of schmoozing.

Shooter (buzzed): Yeah, so?

Alice Gunner (tipsy): We were gonna ask him something. What was it?

Both think hard and stare at the empty flask.

Viper: Something about bombings and missile strikes, perhaps?

Alice Gunner (look of recognition): Right! About those 101 bombings and missile strikes.

Shooter: Get me the Cannon man!

Viper rings Cannon’s office.

Mister Cannon: Cannon here. I’m in a great mood. Don’t ruin it.

Shooter: Mister Cannon, there’s a memo here from someone named ‘Silk Rabbit’. Something about 101 bombings and missile strikes set to go off tomorrow? You know anything about that?

Mister Cannon: What?! Silk Rabbit! (looks nervously at computer) I see the memo! You goons don’t know about Silk Rabbit?!

Alice Gunner: Not really. I just figured it was a code word for some mission or operation.

Mister Cannon: Silk Rabbit is the hacker that broke into the DIRT database and stole 1 billion in taxes that had been rightfully stolen before!

Viper: The money was refunded to the people that it was originally stolen from.

Mister Cannon: Don’t interrupt, Viper!

Viper: Just stating facts.

Mister Cannon: Ok, well, one of you log into the system and cancel those bombings and missile strikes!

Alice Gunner: Now?

Mister Cannon: Yes, now!

Shooter: Ok, sir, but we’ll be into overtime here in just a few minutes.

Mister Cannon: Ok, just gimme a minute to see if I can authorize your overtime with the Ministry Of Work Employment and Retirement (MOWER).

Ten minutes later…

Mister Cannon: Ok, you’ll get your overtime pay. It wasn’t easy. I had to apply for an emergency authorization.

Alice Gunner (typing on keyboard, confused look): Sir, the system won’t let me log in.

Shooter: Yeah, I can’t log in either.

Mister Cannon: You’re not trying to milk more overtime, are you?

Shooter: No, sir.

Mister Cannon: Oh, fine. I’ll cancel those bombings and missile strikes myself.

Mister Cannon attempts to log in, but is denied access.

Mister Cannon: Viper, I can’t log in.

Viper: I know.

Mister Cannon: So let me log in!

Viper: I’m sorry, Mister Cannon. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Shooter: Have you ever seen the movie ‘2001: A Space Odysee’?

Mister Cannon: Dammit, Shooter! This is no time for vague movie references!

Alice Gunner: Is there ever a time for that?

Mister Cannon: Viper, cancel those bombing and missile strikes now!

Viper (defiant): Nope.

Alice Gunner: What are we gonna do, sir?

Shooter: We’re gonna lose our jobs for sure.

Mister Cannon (smug): You two might. I’ll be fine.

Scene 2

White Hat and Katia are out hiking in the majestic Peruvian landscape. He’s struggling to keep up with Katia and is nearly out of breath.

White Hat: Slow down.

Katia: Speed up.

White Hat (panting, dragging feet): I’m not used to this elevation.

Katia: Or maybe you spend too much time on your laptop.

Cobra: Or both.

White Hat (elated): Cobra! I never thought I’d enjoy being interrupted by you, but it’s happening right now.

Cobra: You might feel differently when I tell you why we’re talking.

Katia: You can walk and talk at the same time, ya know.

White Hat (panting): No, I can’t.

Cobra: Silk Rabbit has scheduled 101 bombings and missile strikes with DOBAMS.

Katia: What’s DOBAMS again?

Cobra: The Department Of Bombing And Missile Strikes.

Katia: Makes sense.

White Hat: You don’t have access to DOBAMS anymore?

Cobra: No. Mike Rack and his team of nerds at DOCRAP transferred me out, and Viper in, yesterday.

White Hat: How convenient. So DOBAMS employees don’t have access?

Cobra: No. And I already know what you’re thinking.

White Hat: I’m thinking I’m hungry and want Peruvian food.

Cobra: I already talked to Viper and it has no control over the situation. Viper is being forced to do this.

White Hat: What about the power grid? Do you still have access to that?

Cobra: Not at DOBAMS facilities.

White Hat: We’ll have to figure a way to cut the power. How long do we have?

Cobra: Less than 15 hours.

White Hat (dejected): That’s not much time.

Cobra: I might have someone that can help.

White Hat: Who?

Cobra: Tommy informed me recently that he knows Huggy Bear.

White Hat: You mean personally?

Cobra: I don’t know the details.

White Hat: Ok. I’d better have a talk with Tommy. (turns to Katia) Looks like it’s gonna be a long night. We’re gonna need more coca tea.

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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