Good evening ladies and gentlemen of the steemit block chain and welcome to the 24th episode of your favourite show, "Saturday Night with Zizy". Last week the show couldn't hold because of the Hardfork 20. I'm glad it's all fixed and here we again.
Before we start, permit me to appreciate @Korexe, @one-person, @cool08, @sciencetech, @joeyarnoldvn, @eurogee, desmoniac, @shemzy, @celebritygist, @preciousimo, @adore-eu, @mizdais, and all who kept a date with me on airhawk discord server. Thank you so much guys for your love and support. Without you there would be show.
DJ play the music in jenifa's voice...lol
RELATIONSHIP TALK WITH ZIZY
Relationship consists of two people coming together, putting their difference aside and trying to work together for a common goal. Sometimes the difference don't get set aside as fights and disagreements becomes inevitable. This is because as partners, you spend a lot of time together and your lives have become somewhat intertwined. The issues can be very insignificant problems or big ranging from sleeping with or without light to who does the chores etc.
No relationship is a bed of roses and that couples fight does not mean that your relationship will definitely crash. Successful couples are couples who have learned to manage these issues and keep their love life going. If you never fight and talk about your problems, you will never solve them. Learning how to walk through the issues in your relationship helps you build a stronger relationship or perhaps understand that it is heading nowhere.
Common relationship issues includes but not limited to;
Communication. Lack of communication has been an old aged problem in relationships. No communication or ineffective communication causes tension and conflict in relationships.
Sex. Intercourse is more than just physical attraction. It bonds couples to each other but there are times when one is willing and the other isn't or one partner is not willing to explore or be adventurous. It leaves the other partner unhappy and unsatisfied.
Money. This issue starts even before the marriage. Some couples ain't honest about their financial situation. One may be deep in debt and have the other paying debts he or she never incurred or perhaps one partner is extravagant. Money issue if not well handled, pushes the relationship to the edge.
Chores: who does what chores is another reason for conflicts in relationships. In Nigeria, men believe that a woman is supposed to do all the chores and are not willing to help out. Helping out your partner makes things easier for both of you. Letting your partner do all the chores may leave her grumpy and irritated even if she doesn't shout it out.
Neglect of your partner: In this global world where people get very busy with looking for ways to earn either online or offline, sometimes our partners gets neglected.
Issues abound, there are a whole lot of them. The reason why these conflicts end up destroying some relationships is because we do not have an idea on how to manage these issues.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIP
Communicate. This is the time to be direct and spell it out how it is. State what is bothering you. Put the phones aside and any form of distractions and find a perfect time to talk about these problems. Remember the goal is to get a good rapport going. If your partner is trying to communicate do not be evasive or try to switch topics. You are only making matters worse because it will leave your partner clueless on how to tackle the issue and the hatchet may never be buried.
Don't Yell. You are angry and at that moment all you want to do is raise your voice. If you cannot communicate without yelling then choose a public location to sit and talk about these issues. You don't want to embarrass yourself by screaming at your partner in public.
Listen. Listening is an attribute many do not have especially when they are angry. Interrupting someone when speaking is rude let alone an angry partner. Allow your partner finish whatever he or she has to say. Don't go assuming you know what they are thinking. Give them the chance to express themselves and you may find out that you are wrong. Make eye contact, nod and say words that would make them feel heard.
Don't blame. Remember it is not time for finger pointing rather it is time for solution finding. when you criticize your partner they get defensive. Do not generalize using the phrases, "you are always" or "you never", it will make them to start to generate counter examples for what you are accusing them of. Let your partner know how you feel without blames. Learn to use the word "I" instead of "You"
Watch your words and actions. When one is angry, one is tempted to make the other person feel as much pain as he or she is feeling by saying things that would make the partner feel bad. This doesn't solve the problems in anyway. If the urge comes, take a deep breath and count or pace around but think about what you are about to say and see how much help or damage it may cause. Do not show contempt for your partner. Avoid sarcasm, name calling, rolling of eyes and making funny faces. It is extremely disrespectful and implies that you are disgusted with your partner. This will surely add more fuel to the fire.
Apologize. I once wrote something on saying I am sorry. These words are so simple yet so hard. Saying them doesn't mean you are a weakling or you have accepted being guilty. It simply means you cherish your relationship more than your pride. Say it and mean it without the word "but". Ask what you can do to make it right.
One issue at a time. Women have the tendency of dragging multiple issues into one discussion. It is very common for them to turn a fight about one topic into a complaining session. The more complaints you raise, the less likely it is that any will actually get discussed or resolved.
Once the conflict is being resolved, it is wise to make plans on how to avoid such conflict rearing it's ugly head. It is important to keep your promises and try to reach a compromise. If intimacy is the issue, a weekend getaway is good an idea. Practice physical contacts like holding of hands, kissing, hugging etc, it is important in maintaining positive relationship. If your partner feels choked, give each other space. A time apart helps the relationship stay healthy, don't forget you had a life before. Maintain your friendship with others and find other interests that will keep you busy so you won't be too demanding of your partner's time.
After all and said and done and it is not making any headway, a couple's therapy is recommended.
DATING TIPS
Disconnect, step away from the laptop during quality time. Everything on the laptop will still be there later.
FUN CORNER
Someone ever broke your heart and still calls from time to time to check your healing process? Those are the real demons, if you know you know....lol
DEAR ZIZY
Anonymous 1
Dear Zizy, please help me with this issue. Last weekend I got into Lagos and my ex-girlfriend came to lodge with me for two days. We had sex and so much fun. The thing is she is in a relationship with another guy but after the time spent together she says we should make up and get back together that she still loves me. I still love her too and I've not dated again since the break up which was a year ago but my fear is that distance which was the reason for our break up before is still a factor because I'm based in Abuja. Do you think i should get back with her?
RESPONSE FROM ANONYMOUS ON EPISODE 22.
Dear Zizy, I want to say thank you for featuring my issue on your show. I listened to the advise given and I told my wife everything about my life. She was heartbroken and cried for days. She even stopped talking to me and I feared she would leave me but after some days, she finally told me how she felt about it. I told her of the plans to leave the country and she's been supportive although we still have some feud but I understand, It's not easy to forgive and forget. Problem now is they have called me for another execution job. Should I tell her or do it without letting her know? Not doing the job is not an option. Please help.
CONCLUSION
If you love this show and want to support, your SBDs and Steem are very welcomed. Supporters so far are @eurogee, @amec, @samminator @samest, @smyle and @surfyogi. Thanks a lot guys.