The title statement is no joke! I picked up "History of the Marvel Universe" # 1a few months back figuring that it would be a good idea to catch up on what has happened in the Marvel Universe from the beginning. Written by Mark Waid, with the assistance of Javier Rodriguez (pencils / color) and Alvaro Lopez (inker) among many others, this issue contains informational history on overload.
Franklin Richards and Galactus are facing the end of time, so Richards has Galactus rehash everything that has happened in this universe to help him remember. Richards believes that it would be good to have these memories when he moves on. Galactus doesn't hold back, but he can't get into great detail to cover everything.
Of course the 6 stones known as the infinity gems plays an important role. He begins by explaining how a previous universe that is no more led to him (Galactus) coming into being as Galan of Taa. The Phoenix Force and the M'Kraan Crystal played a major role in the formation of the first stars and planets. The passive Acanti and the more aggressive Celestials were among the very first forms of life. There were The Watchers of Planet T-37x and The Brood, who were a race of Insectoids that are believed to be the first Predators. There was Gaea (Mother of Earth), Oshtur (Giver of Light and Justice), Set (The Great Destroyer) and Chthon (Mystic of Dark Magic).
Yggdrasil (the world tree) was responsible for the creation of the Asgardian Gods. The obliteration and rebuilding cycle of Ragnarok was now in effect. The Beast, Celestial Zero, The Horde, Skrulls, the Nuwali and Shi'ar all created a need for Nova Corps, the initial space militia. The Kree were experimented on by the Progenitors. The Eternals, who were led by Kronos, and the Deviants were created by the Celestials. Eventually the need for the First Avengers brought Odin, Agamotto, The Black Panther, Ghost Rider, Iron Fist, Lady Phoenix and Starbrand together.
Then from Attilan came the Inhumans, with their first offspring Tuk. Eshu then started referring to himself as The Master Of The World. Varnae was the first known Vampire. Selene Gallio was one of Earth's first Mutants. Years later, a hunter tried to save his tribe by becoming Ulysses Bloodstone. Having a tremendous effect on the universe later on, Mentor and Sui-San had two children, Eros and Thanos. The tale goes on with The Brotherhood of the Shield, The Sphinx and the triangle between Arthur Pendragon, Merlin and Morgan Le Fay. Meanwhile, The Black Knight had his Ebony Blade.
The Council of Godheads were comprised of Odin, Zeus and Vishnu. Diablo and Belasco both traded with demons. What started out as a human group, The Hellfire Club eventually switched over to being a mutant group. Prince Vlad Dracula mixed his blood with the original Varnae. Galactus granted Norrin Radd tremendous cosmic powers transforming Radd into the Silver Surfer.
During the period of the great west, America was experiencing a serious rise in outlaws creating the need for Kid Colt, Rawhide Kid, the Two-Gun Kid and Ghost Rider. Meanwhile in Alberta, Canada, James Howlett had no idea that his real father was the abusive Thomas Logan, who worked as a groundskeeper. Little by little, this frail young man turned into Wolverine. Do you see what I mean? I didn't cover nearly everything that was explained in this issue and the history lesson is nowhere close to being finished. What is really cool is that the last few pages are spent referencing the comic book issues where most of these stories can be found in detail.