Do you guys remember I said my art started from sadness?
I'm very lucky to say it's something that remains only as a memory now. Currently I feel like I'm living the best part of my life, and I've never been happier than I am today.
But some years ago I was diagnosed with something that felt like having cancer in my soul. Something that pictured the word "sad" as the best it could get.
There are feelings that are even worse than sadness. Depression is like a mutation of it. It's making sadness permanent, as solid as a rock that you're carrying on your shoulders since the very first time you open your eyes in the morning.
And in the afternoon as well. And also the evening.
But is not like a normal-size rock. This one I remember felt like the size of the whole sky.
Breathing was a curse.
Staying alive, one of the hardest things I've had to do.
But of course I'm so glad I could carry on after all. Years later I'm a living proof of the famous cliché phrase:
"It does get better".
If you, the person who is reading this, are having a tough time right now and feel hopeless about finding a way out, I can promise you it will be alright.
It will.
I've been there just like you. So please never give up. Sometimes it's hard to find reasons to not give in, but if you have at least one reason, no matter if it's as small as a firefly, hold on to it.
I did it during my rough times and now you got me painting smiley suns and stars that stare back at me.
That's why I wanted to share with you one of the many drawings I made when I was depressed.
This drawing started with a quick research about the history of depression. I found out that this illness is as old as the human race, and the ancient doctors called it "melancholy".
'Melancholy' as a word had its origin in the ancient Greek term "black bile".
There was so much information about this topic and my sad heart felt like drawing something out of it...
Happy yellow balloons. It didn't matter if they were there, I wasn't able to see them.
Depression is like seeing the world through black filtered glasses. And the worst part of it is that you can't just take them off.
(This is a quick sketch I made as a test before the actual illustration).
'Melancholy: black bile'. 2018
(All the pictures and artworks in this post belong to me)