A Little Art.... A Little Chatter....

Hello !

Once again, I dash some little pieces of my art in and wonder what the heck I am going to say with it. 😄 Story of my life, just making things up as I go along.

Making things up as I go along..... I see lots of people talking about goals, plans that they pursue and work to accomplish. I know what the words mean and I think I understand, but I have never really been the sort of person that saw a big future prize, made a big plan and then pursued it.

What ???!

It's true ! When I was growing up, I lived day to day as mostly children should be able too. My parents were good examples of providers and nurturers. Of course we had to go to school and we were expected of make decent grades, but there was no push to set a big future adult goal. We were just kids and then teens and there was so much to learn and observe and who knew what we would one day like or choose to pursue.

I was born into the south and although that really has nothing to do with the grand scheme of things, it did mean I was exposed to certain cultural traditions and thoughts and it was a kind and respectful upbringing.

I never really liked school. I was bored mostly and many classes I thought were going to be useless to my life in general... and many were. I think I started counting down the years till I was done with the whole thing in about the 6th grade. Needless to say, my experience with those 12 years of boring education, made me sure there was no way I wanted to go to college ( 🙄 )... so I didn't. My parents didn't push that, they just let it be known that if me or any of my siblings wanted to go to college, they would help us, but we would also be responsible to help with it too. If I had wanted to go, I wouldn't have minded helping, but I didn't want too and so I didn't.

I somehow thought I would get married and my husband and I would create our lives and futures in whatever way we chose to go, so I didn't need an exact plan on that as the choices wouldn't be mine alone.

How did that turn out for you??... you ask.... well....

Not so hot ! 🤣

I married my teenage sweetheart, who turned out not to be too sweet once he owned me. In 5 long/short years, it was over. A very rude awakening for someone as innocent of the the ugly possibilities of life as I was.

Then I rebounded and 3 years later married my first husband's polar opposite. It was fun for a while, but I found that what attracted me, the easy going, no stress personality, turned out to be more like lazy with no ambition. Ha ha... I know, this is all from my view and I did choose him. I suppose I was still a bit naive, but then, there I was. Turns out he had a bit of a temper too of which he never showed while we dated. We were together 16 years... and then it was over too.

So at 41, I jumped out on my own and it has been just me since then. I am 67 now.

I have worked and provided for myself since then as of course I knew I had too. I didn't know if I would ever marry again, but I was not going to hunt it. If one day my life crossed with someone else's that seemed the right fit, I was not against it, but if not, that would be ok too.

Although I spent a little time with others here or there along the way, only one I felt serious about, back in my forties, but through no choice of mine, that didn't work out. It was hard on me emotionally as such things sometimes are, but like everyone, I got by it and carried on.

I have never measured my worth in whether or not I was married or was in a relationship. There were good things about both ways of living and I knew early that it was better to go it alone and be able to come home to a peaceful place, than to have someone and never have any peace. Peace is a valuable thing.

Once I was on my own, I suppose I could have picked some goal and gone to school part time while I worked or... whatever, you know, make a goal, but I still didn't have any vision of where I'd like to see myself or have a true passion for something else particular. I don't know why that was or is, but still.....

.... here I am, still living and not knowing what I really want to do. 😂 I'm sure I could have been really good at something and made some sort of highly productive life, but I'm still wondering what that is.

Sometimes through my single years I would say, now that I can do anything I want, I don't know what I want to do ! The sky was the limit !.... and yet, here I am, still floating along in my rudderless boat, with a silly grin on my face, curious to see where I will land next.

It's Sunday, so you know the drill, cooked some pork tenderloin, potatoes and green beans yesterday to take for lunch and will be heading to Mom's in an hour or two. She has had a very hard time since she had a pinched nerve a couple weeks ago and has been in a lot of pain. She has pursued more doctor's visits and some things are in the works, but it all seems to be very slow. I wish I knew something that would help, but there is not much to be done from the outside.

I hope you have been having a good weekend and that the rest of it goes by really slow.

Love you !

Jacey