When it comes to money and helping people, I used to not really have any kind of rule or boundary, if someone asked me for help and I had something small, I would just give it without thinking too much about it, especially if it is family or someone close to me, I just felt like it was something I had to do, but as time went on, I started realizing that always saying yes can actually put you in a very tight position,like you will help someone today, and tomorrow you are the one stressing about how to sort yourself out that’s when it started hitting me that helping people is good, but you also need to have some kind of control over how you do it.
Right now, one thing I’ve started doing is setting a small boundary for myself, I do not just give money out immediately again like before, I try to think about it first… like can I actually afford this? and not just “do I want to help?” Because those two things are very different, Another rule I follow now is that I don’t give what I cannot comfortably lose, that one is very important. If giving that money will now make me start struggling or looking for who to borrow from, then it honestly doesn’t make sense, I have learned that helping someone shouldn’t automatically mean putting yourself in a worse situation, also, I have stopped feeling like I must always say yes, before, I used to feel somehow guilty if I couldn’t help, like I am disappointing the person or I’m being wicked, but now I am starting to understand that it’s not every time you will be in the position to help, and that’s okay, there are even times when instead of giving money, I try to help in other ways, maybe advice, maybe just being there, or even helping them look for a solution, because not every problem is about money, even though it might look like it.
I won’t lie, setting these boundaries is not always easy, sometimes you’ll still feel bad, especially when the person really needs help, and sometimes too, people might not even understand why you said no, but at the end of the day, I’ve come to realize that I also have my own responsibilities and things I am trying to figure out, what I have learned from all this is that there has to be balance, you can be kind and still be wise, you can help people and still protect yourself at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other to right now, I am still learning and adjusting, but one thing I know for sure is this… I will always help when I can, but not at the cost of putting myself in a difficult position, because if I am not okay, it will be hard for me to even help anyone in the first place.
