Chinedu was considering not opening the envelope, but when he did, it was in his hand already.
He was sitting in a small office of Bright Future Cooperative Society, Enugu. Air circulated slowly around the room by the ceiling fan above him, blowing warm air during the afternoon. In the open area, people rode motorcycles passing by on the dusty road and a vendor called out prices to the waiting customers.
A letter of approval for a loan application was in the envelope.
It was waiting for Amina.
Chinedu checked the time. It was almost 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Soon she would come.
He scratched his head.
He'd been assisting her for three weeks in preparing her papers. His name was familiar to her. A widowed woman, who has two children. A small tailor's shop. The dream of purchasing better Sewing machines and an expanded business.
She had worked long and arduously for several years.
But now, the answer was NO.
A cooperative board had turned down the application.
No, not due to carelessness.
Not because she was unscrupulous.
Just wasn't enough money around.
The envelope was staring at Chinedu.
He didn't like it when they did this.
His work was thought to be simple, as he was seated behind a desk. Never had the experience of the other side. They had no idea how weighty bad news could be.
There was a knock at the door.
"Come in," he said.
Amina came in with a smile on her face.
"Good afternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, Amina."
She sat down and put her purse on her lap.
“Have you gotten the decision?” she asked hopefully.
Chinedu nodded.
She still had a smile on her face.
He would wish to be able to alter the contents of the envelope for a moment.
"Amina..." he began.
His voice failed.
She noticed immediately.
The smile faded.
"Oh."
There was a hush in the room.
Slowly he gave the envelope to her.
She very carefully opened it and read the letter.
It was very quiet and silent in the room.
Outside, life continued. Horns sounded. Traders called customers. There were some laughs in the distance in the voice of the children.
They did not say a word to each other inside the office.
Lastly, she bent the letter in half.
She replied quietly, "I understand."
But her eyes were shining though!
The pain of something tightening in his chest struck Chinedu.
"I'm sorry."
She tried to turn a wry face and smile.
“That's not your fault.”
But he still felt that he did have some responsibility.
When she was gone, the office was even emptier.
Chinedu was busy all night pondering her.
He envisioned that she would come back to her little store.
He envisioned that she would share with her children what had occurred.
He could visualize all the plans she had.
It was an emotion that haunted him for days.
He worked in the office and filled in reports, he went to work meetings but he couldn't leave the memory behind.
Even at home.
One Saturday night, he went to see his uncle, a former school principal.
The old man was sitting by the mango tree, enjoying the breeze.
After he was greeted, his uncle gave him the expression of concern.
Chinedu laughed weakly.
“What's so easy to do?”
"Very."
For some time they sat in silence.
Afterward, Chinedu explained to him all that happened.
About Amina.
About the loan.
What was there in her eyes when she read the letter?
His uncle listened, without interruptions.
Chinedu's sighing was deep when he came to an end.
I know I didn't make the decision", said Chinedu. But I still feel the same way, I don't feel fine.
His uncle nodded.
"Because you care."
"Maybe."
"No, not maybe."
The old man sat down in his chair.
You took her disappointment upon yourself.
Chinedu looked down at the ground.
"Perhaps."
But did you fool her, his uncle asked, "but tell me?But did you fool her, his uncle asked, "but tell me?
"No."
"Were you being unfair to her?
"No."
Has she not responded to your application?
"Of course not."
His uncle smiled.
So why do you think you should punish yourself?
The open question loomed, floating in the air.
For the first time, Chinedu didn't have an answer.
The old man went on talking.
Some people believe that responsibility is the same as carrying the whole load, "Responsibility is not just about carrying the load, it's about doing your part, doing it with honesty.
The night breeze was blowing through the mango trees above them.
Chinedu sat quietly.
There was some loosen inside of him.
Not disappear.
Just loosen.
He was taken aback to see Amina come back to the office the next Monday.
She seemed like she was weary but focused.
"Good morning, sir."
"Good morning."
She smiled.
I wanted to ask a question here.
"What is it?"
“Will it be possible to qualify in the future in any other way?”
Chinedu blinked.
“Do you still want to go on trying?”
"Of course."
She laughed softly.
I can't stop just because of one rejection.
He was now smiling too—at least for the first time in weeks.
The two almost an hour brainstormed the possibilities.
New programs.
Smaller funding opportunities.
Future application periods.
When she did stand up to go, she did not appear to be as heavy as the previous.
She turned around at the door.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
For treating me with respect.
Then she left.
Chinedu followed her as she walked off.
He felt the heavy burden of days of a past life being lifted.
Not because the problem had gone away.
Not because things all of a sudden became perfect.
He knew, however, one thing, though.
It was not his burden to bear single-handedly.
On the outside, the afternoon sun was shining brightly over the city bustling with people.
Motorcycles buzzed past.
Traders called customers.
Life moved forward.
And Chinedu, at last after many days, felt like taking a step forward with it.
