I have been running a few errands today, including picking up a couple glass containers from Ikea. I only went in for these and that is all I bought, other than some zip-lock bags (not large enough for me to fit into), which is strange. Normally going to Ikea means getting a lot of crap that wasn't on the list, but when it is just me, well, I can constrain myself and avoid scope creep. However, since it was lunchtime and I still hadn't had breakfast other than a coffee, I grabbed two hotdogs and a cinnamon scroll for the budget price of €2.49, which I think speaks to the quality of the ingredients. Though to be fair, it probably isn't worse than any other place, it is just that they don't make their money from selling hotdogs.
Keep your shoulders back.
However, while I have been walking around various places, I was reminded of what I have been noticing a lot over the last year or two. I don't know if this is a global thing or not, but people just don't seem to carry themselves well anymore and just kind of shlump along like they don't have much control over their body or limbs, and are kind of always falling a little with every step. A bit like floppy, boiled sausages. When I was a kid I was told to keep my shoulders back, stand up straight and don't drag my feet, but apparently carrying yourself well doesn't seem to be high on the agenda of people these days and isn't taught by parents.
What is your perspective on this where you live?
The other day I was talking to my daughter about the film "My Fair Lady" where Eliza Doolittle is transformed from a Cockney flower girl into a lady through speech and deportment lessons. Yeah, deportment used to be a thing, which would focus on posture, poise, and generally how to carry oneself with grace and elegance. They also covered, grooming, social etiquette, dining and other "outdated" factors that very seem to care enough to learn.
Personally though, I think we do care because when we see people behave, it gives us an impression as to what kind of person they are. Looks, speech, movements, expressions; they all have an impact on us and we make judgement in fractions of a second before we even have a chance to consciously recognise that we are making a judgement at all. Our body language tells a story about us, without us speaking a work, but how many of us evaluate whether the story is the one we want to tell?
Maybe it is because we spend so much time in the comfort of our own homes these days, so we become accustomed to not having the social judgement pressure. That seems like it would be a good thing, but I am not sure that bad posture and lack of body control should be celebrated. I get that people have decided that the opinions of others don't matter, but in reality, they do, don't they? The opinions of the people we interact with matter and are going to impact on how they behave with us, and what future interactions will be like, if there is a future at all. This means that our behaviour becomes a filter of with who and how we will spend our time and much of it is unintentional on both sides.
I don't want to spend my time with people who judge me anyway.
Take a look in the mirror.
We all judge other people and we judge ourselves. And even if we want to be accepted for who we are, we set up our assumptions and expectations for others and expect them to adhere to it. We expect them to behave how we have judged is appropriate for them to behave, and if they do differently, we get upset because they broke our trust. But no they didn't - they broke our self-imposed expectations of them and when they acted in a way we didn't predict, what they broke was the judgements we made.
We were wrong about them, but we blame them for us being wrong.
I had an interesting conversation with someone today about trust and how I don't trust anybody, and she thinks it is sad. But what I tried to explain is that trust is never about the other person and how they act or don't, it is the belief that my judgements about them are correct. I don't trust them, I trust my judgements about them. When they break my trust model, it is me who was in error, not them - they were just being who they are at that time, and that wasn't the same as I had judged them to be. The emotional feelings of having trust broken still come up for me, but it isn't their problem, it is mine.
They have to live with their actions, I have to live with my reactions.
Judgements.
We all make them. So why do we pretend that we don't? Why do we all try to virtue signal that for some reason we are not human and are able to withhold judgement at will, even when it happens unconsciously before our awareness can even have a chance to think? I don't think it is a virtue to pretend to be inhuman, because what it ends up making you is inhumane. Because without recognition of the reality of who we are and how we behave, we make judgements about our own behaviour and create a trust that we are always doing the right thing, even when we are treating others unfairly and cruelly.
I think we have enough of that in this world, don't you?
There are lots of reasons why an individual can't do this and can't do that, but what does it mean when the average person's behaviour is degrading? What does it mean when the average person has lost body control, doesn't care to look after the way they behave, or what they eat, or how they look? What does it mean when the average person is getting worse, treating people more cruelly, becoming increasingly selfish? We can judge individuals, but we also have to take a look at the whole and ask ourselves;
Is this who we want to be?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
And you may be rewarded.
