A friend of mine once shared with me what she experienced a while ago. She found herself in a circle where the people she called friends always pressured her into unwholesome habits. And after it, she would feel sad about it. But it still kept repeating because she always found herself in their midst. She discovered that as long as the was in their circle, she would never overcome that habit, and she would not make progress. Even when she decided to be disciplined, she found it so difficult. However, when she disassociated herself from them, she began to make progress. She became more focused with her life, and her behaviour improved, and she got better. This goes to prove that there are things that you may never achieve until you leave an environment.
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Some people say that "time heals," but what they fail to understand is that there are times that the healing you need may not be tied to time but to environment. A lot of people try to grow, recover, or change, while still remaining in the same environment that has held them down and hurt them. Imagine trying to gain confidence, yet being in the midst of the people who constantly mock and criticise you. Or imagine wanting to be disciplined, yet you are always in a place with heavy distractors. The honest truth is that it will be very difficult to find healing in the same environment that wounded you.
More than you may even think of, your environment shapes your behaviour, influences your thoughts, and even your emotions. If you constantly expose yourself to negativity, it will become the new normal for you. In the same way, when you are surrounded by people with bad habits, it will not be long and you will begin to welcome the habits. And if you stay in a place where people constantly look down on you, your self-worth will begin to erode. This is why if you want to improve yourself internally, then you have to be cautious of your surroundings. More often than not, what happens externally also finds its way into what will happen internally. To change "within," you have to change "without."
In some cases, it might not even mean changing your physical environment, even though it might also be necessary. But there are in some cases that you need to change your circle and the people you interact with, change the contents you consume, the conversations you entertain, and even your routines. For example, if a particular friendship or relationship constantly drains you, leads you into unwholesome habits, or belittles you, then healing might just come by keeping away from such friendship and relationship. Anytime you find yourself in an environment that has negative influence on you, then change becomes necessary if you want to grow and heal.
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Healing also requires a form of safety. A safe space to reflect on life, to rebuild, and to regain your strength. If you are in a healthy relationship for example, even if you make mistake, it will be corrected with love and dignity. But if you are in a toxic relationship, the same mistakes will be met with humiliation and criticism. If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, then you need to distant yourself for the sake of your sanity. In a safe and positive environment, growth is encouraged, love is shown, boundaries are respected, clarity is attained, and it will be easy to build confidence. What a lot of people do not know is that your are a direct reflection of your environment.
It is worthy to note that it is easier to heal when you have separated yourself from the environment that hurt you. However, you need to know that healing is not about escaping from responsibilities or blaming others. Rather it is about creating conducive environment that supports your growth. If a crop is not growing well for example, you do not shout at it, you have to check the soil, the position of sunlight, and the water level. In the same way, if you discover that your growth is stalled, then check your environment, and you might have the answers to the questions you seek.
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