A friend of mine was telling me about his last relationship and what led to their separation. He was the only one putting the whole efforts to make the relationship work. In fact, he would call first, check up on her, buy her gifts, give his time and energy to the sustenance of the relationship, while the lady would feel that it was her right. Or rather, she felt that she was doing him a favour by accepting him as her boyfriend. It continued that way and was draining him. It was very obvious that she kept him, not for love, but for what she was gaining from him. If he did not call, they can go for 3 days without talking until he calls. It looked like he was the only on in the relationship. Well, he advised himself and took a walk from the relationship to save his sanity. Relationship is not supposed to be one-sided. It is supposed to be the parties involved putting in conscious efforts to build it together.
Image from Pexels
One of the hardest, yet liberating decisions that someone can make is to walk out from a one-sided relationship. It can be a friendship, a romantic relationship, a professional connection, etc. As long as the other party is not making any attempt to strengthen the relationship, then it is not right. Imagine being in a relationship where you are the only one putting in all the efforts while the other person is just at the receiving end. Trust me, there is almost nothing as exhausting as it. They make you to over-extend yourself to please someone, shrink yourself to fit in, and even accept less than you deserve.
Very funny enough, it is actually easy to spot a one-sided relationship, but the challenge is to walk out from it. There are times that you may get so attached to someone that it would be almost impossible to leave them even when you see obvious signs that it is a one-sided relationship. You will be the first to text everytime, they will not call you until you call, you keep checking on them, you apologise when you are wrong and when you are not wrong, you invest your time, energy, resources, and even sacrificing your comfort for them, yet they cannot do the same for you. You might even begin to normalise this anomaly, and may think that love is all about efforts and endurance. But what you need to understand is that real love is not built on suffering but on mutual care.
It is worthy to note that not everyone who benefits from your care actually values it. You need to understand this truth and know what to entertain and what to walk away from. You also deserve love and care, not only giving it. If someone cannot match your efforts, or at least puts in significant efforts to move the relationship with you, then you need to know when to move on. I am not saying that it has to be in monetary terms. They may not be able to afford material things, but they should be able to give what they can afford - care, attention, time, etc. If you are important to them, they will make conscious efforts to value your friendship with them. It is actually better to be alone than to be with someone who drains you emotionally, physically, and in every aspect.
Image from Pexels
Staying in a relationship where you are constantly being overlooked actually hurts more than leaving. This is because it can erode your self-worth and make you to settle for less. Imagine settling for the crumbs where you should have had the main meal. By walking away, you are prioritising your peace over constant disappointment. You may feel hurt when leaving, but at the end, you will understand that it is one of the best decisions that you have ever made. Why a lot of people fear walking away is that they tend to mistake familiarity for connection. They tend to hold on to something because they are attached to it even if it is painful, than letting it go. Just know that growth does not live in comfort. When you walk out from a one-sided relationship, you will create room for a better relationship.
Thanks for reading
