Ever since I travelled back home, it feels like my life calendar and schedule had a factory reset, and for some reason I've not been able to find any form of balance to put things back in order.
You see, back before I travelled, my life felt like one that was programmed. I knew who I had to do tomorrow even before we got to tomorrow. I mean, I could give an 80 percent prediction of how my next week would look like and the prediction would be close to perfect.
And for some reason, that kinda helped keep me on my toes. I didn't notice it then, but being a hundred percent in charge of everything I do made me more active. Because I found myself mentally calculating for everything I had to do because I knew that if I didn't get it done, it wouldn't get done. I knew I had to work for money unless I won't eat.
But coming back here and having to just relinquish all of that control to my parent has kinda messed up the brain a bit, because for me, it's a huge change, going from being in charge to being the one taking orders again and not knowing what I would be asked to do next.
I guess to some people, it might be seen as a good thing because the burden of trying to get your next meal has temporarily been taken off you, but for some reason I just don't feel comfortable with it. I guess I just don't like sudden changes, not even one that I saw coming.
Furthermore, I just realized that I might be coming off as someone complaining, but it really isn't, at least not for me. I'm only just documenting all I'm feeling, and trust me when I say it's a lot.
And I think something like that should be expected, especially for someone like me who basically spent the entire year indoors, in a tinny room that I've come to love due to it peace and quiet.
