I have always thought it funny how people argue, online or in person, about whether or not it's okay to check their partner's phone. Certain people might say it is necessary once in a while, just to "confirm peace of mind", while others believe that it's a complete invasion of privacy. But I think trust is one of the most important part of any relationship, everything would just be unstable without it. Love, communication and effort could be there, but if there's no trust, it never really is peaceful.
That is the reason why I don't believe in checking your partner's phone, not because anyone who does it is wrong, but because it goes against my values of trust and peace. I should not have to go looking for proof that you're doing right by me if I can truly trust you. Some will say to "trust but verify", but even this sounds like a lot of work to me.
It can be, sometimes, more complicated though, and it is only normal that one would be concerned and feel uncomfortable if their partner is suddenly withdrawn, hiding their phones, or staying out late. But even then, I think checking phones is not going to help anything, who is to say that they won't delete what they need to even before I get to the phone. It only opens a door that will be difficult to close. I would start double thinking every message, every call, every emoji and so on. I become alert, suspicious and it's hard to go back from that. Thereby causing myself unnecessary stress and worry.
One thing I've learned is that even knowing everything in a relationship doesn't bring peace of mind. Instead, peace of mind comes from feeling safe and knowing that your partner respects you enough not to put you in a position where you have to doubt them. If I reach the point where I feel I need to go through my partner's phone, then it's already a sign that something is wrong in that relationship, either their actions started raising suspicions in me causing me not to trust them anymore or I've started doubting myself. And both of those situations are a red flag.
I also think that we sometimes confuse curiosity and insecurity. You might say to yourself that you just want to do a quick check, but it's likely because of fear of being misled, looking foolish, or of not being enough. But checking a phone won't rid that fear. If anything, it makes it worse, because you'll always be wondering what else might be there next time.
Trust is giving someone freedom and believing that they won't use it to hurt you. Being confident enough in yourself and in your partner is part of what defines a relationship and trust. People show their true selves through their actions, I do not need to search their phones for it. And if the trust is already gone? Then that's the real issue. Not what is in the phone, not the messages, not who liked what, but the fact that I no longer feel safe in that relationship and that's something that no amount of scrolling that fix.
At the end of the day, I choose peace over paranoia. I'll take a step back if I get to the extent of needing to my partner's phone. If I trust you, I have no reason to. And if I don't, then no amount of checking will make me feel better.
Thanks for reading...
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