Last week, our fantastic QiGong teachers told all of us practitioners that we were going to lead class the coming week. Every morning I've been wary having to step up, and yesterday it came to a fever pitch. It's not that I don't want to lead. Just that I don't feel ready.
It's so funny because my life for the last 25 plus years has been that of someone in a leadership position as a film and commercial director. Directing large crews of film production professionals, actors even animals. Being in charge of blowing up cars and intense (and subtle) performances, but somehow leading an intimate slow-motion martial arts class feels incredibly daunting.
Perhaps it's because memorization has always been a near-impossible task for me. I have dyslexia. So, ideas and words get shuffled around in my head easily. When I'm preparing for a pitch in LA, or speaking with agency folks to land a commercial, I have to spend hours, internalizing my own paragraphs, so that I can speak them "in the room." This process can be excruciating, and I find my self-frustration can get off the charts in these situations. Typically once I get in the room. Things go rather smoothly if I've spent the time to internalize correctly. But if not, I'm in deep trouble.
The issues go back to grade school, when so many found memorizing so easy. I could understand complex ideas and had no trouble with artistic expression, but testing based on regurgitation was my Achilles heel. Luckily in my adult life I've found memorization not to be a necessity for the most part, especially with the internet at our fingertips. But I still find myself wishing I had more facility with it. Perhaps I'll try to memorize some Shakespeare. As a life goal. Just letting go and seeing what internalizes.
So much of the issues are around getting out of my own way and just relaxing.
This morning it was my turn to lead class... and having gone through all the anxiety and frustration... I just let it all go. I spoke to what I had internalized. I remembered what I needed to, and led a nice spacious class. It wasn't perfect, but as a first time I was really happy with how I did... and left plenty of room to grow.
As crypto enthusiasts, we have so much opportunity to lead. We can inspire with our technology and shape the future. We just need to remember how and not concentrate on the distractions. And a lot of that is about just relaxing and doing the work. And here in the HIVE there's so much to do!
Yours in the Chain,
Doug
