Green acres

Well my dear gardening chums, this is my sixth growing season and let me tell you, I’ve learned a few things in the past five years.

Chicken defences have been strengthened considerably, all pallets have been tied down and I have planted a lot of dwarf peas this year to avoid last year’s toppling pea debacle.

Each year I try to grow at least one new vegetable, so this year I’m trying my hand at cauliflower and peppers. I loathe cauliflower but I’ve noticed my plump sibling buying rather a lot of it, so I’m hoping to make a few quid by growing it and selling it to him. I mean, who wouldn’t prefer home-grown to the glyphosate-soaked offerings at Aldi?

I’m not overly fond of peppers either, but one must eat vegetables of every colour if one is to be as lean and healthy as I am.

Despite being away in February looking after Hive account@owasco and protecting her from abduction by Mexican bandits, as you can see, I’m well ahead with my spring planting.

I’ve planted three varieties of melon (Petite Gris de Rennes, Minnesota Midget, and watermelon), six varieties of cucumber, as well as leeks, basil, peas, tomatoes, and celery. I’m also having another stab at those cucamelon things I failed so miserably with last year. I can’t understand, if the bloody things are so hard to germinate, why do they only give you ten seeds in a packet? Meanwhile, you get thirty cucumber seeds, and who on earth has room for thirty cucumber plants?

I’ve also planted 75 onions and 50 garlic.

I went a bit wild with onions last year and planted 500 — but I’ve learned my lesson. I still have hundreds hanging around.

I also have a few beds of carrots, onions, and garlic planted last year that will be ready to harvest soon,

along with plenty of herbs, spinach, lettuce, and spring onions, which saw us through the winter and are now beginning to bolt.