A few days back, I made a post that talked about humans being social creatures, and yet still wanting to be alone, and then I also made another post about the dangers that loneliness can bring about when people let it get extreme. There is just no flex to choosing to be alone all the time, especially when it really doesn’t affect your life in any major way. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to about nonsensical things is enough to make your day worth it.
No worries, though, I think I’ve said all I wanted to say on this particular topic. This particular post is not about being alone or loneliness, because at this point, I don’t feel there is anything I could say that could change what already is. But then, I think one way to fight this can actually be by learning to understand it first.
So, a friend of mine saw the post I made, and one of the comments they told me about it was that today, many people just choose to be alone because having friends can be taxing. It can be emotionally, financially, mentally, and even physically exhausting. Because being a friend actually requires you to be intentional, but for many, that intentionality comes with a price.
Becoming a friend to someone is basically like taking on a responsibility. Because you’d have to check up on them, keep in touch, both when things are right and wrong. There are a plethora of things you’re expected to do when you’re a friend, and for many, it just seems like too much of a hassle. Not everyone is interested in all that.
So then, I ask myself, is the strength of your friendship based on how much or how often you communicate? If, for some reason, you and a friend don’t talk for a year (no conflicts or anything, just life being lifey), can you both just continue from where you stopped?
In my opinion, the test of true friendship doesn’t have to be in constant communication and checkups, it can actually be in the act of knowing that someone is there for you. Talking every day doesn’t mean that you both love each other, talking all the time will make you both tired of each other. That’s how crazy it can be.
One of my closest friends, when we visit each other, communication is usually not the focus. Yeah, we talk, but only when we have to. If we spend 4 hours together, it’s possible that we’d only spend 30 minutes of those hours talking, and the rest would just be us being there. He's doing his thing while I’m doing mine. Sometimes one of us will fall asleep, while the other will be busy with something else. If another conversation comes up, we just pick it up.
I guess that we’ve gotten so close that we don’t have to fill up those awkward silences between conversations anymore. When we don’t have anything else to say, we simply shut up, and neither of us will feel the need to say something.
And this leads me to my second point, why many people don’t like allowing visits. Because of the task of being a host. Hell, it’s not even about the money. For many, they would gladly buy refreshments and give their guests, so they can lock themselves in the bedroom while the guests remain in the living room. But they can’t do that, because for some, having a friend over requires you being there with them and talking. And talking. Because once the silence drags on too long, it means the guest has overstayed their welcome and has to leave.
And this is a major point for people. People will love to have friends, but the social price is just too high for them. They don’t want to be obligated to call every day or have to engage in long conversations. They want to be able to forget to reach out to a friend and not feel like a piece of crap later on. So, when they consider all this, and the minor reason that friends can turn betrayers for the right price, many just prefer to back away entirely from the pool. Keeping everyone at arm's length.
And for me, I just don’t think this is a smart move. Because it does nothing but alienate us, we think we’re doing what’s best for us because we don’t like drama, but we’re just running. That’s all. Like, as long as the friendship is not toxic or parasitic, there should be something motivating enough to keep it going, right? If your reason for not wanting to have friends is just because you don’t want to talk to people or be obligated to check up on them… omo, I don’t know what to say.
This is just my idea, though. I could be wrong in this. Tell me what you think.
