If there is something about me, it is that during any conversation I pay attention; I listen attentively not just to the words but to the vibration of the person in question. I used to always tell my girlfriend that one who is well grounded in the English language can read minds and foresee one's intent before they actually act.
Being an educationist who reads a lot, she affirmed it, as people, no matter how cunning, often bury their real intent in words. You see, one problem with humanity is that a majority of us have attention deficits; one minute we are here mentally listening, and the next we are drifting away. You could be communicating with someone and think that they are listening to you, but their mind has drifted far.
As much as we know such a short attention span is most likely in children, some adults suffer it too, and I can say it's a habit that grew with them from their younger years. With my child, I make sure whatever I say to her, she repeats it. That way it sticks, and I’m quite certain that she was listening. Thankfully, like me, she is very sensitive to words. Hers is even worse because it’s when you think she’s not paying attention that she’s mentally recording and storing every word that comes out of your mouth.
Speaking of listening, I’d say it’s one vital aspect of communication. Well, it took me a relationship before I finally understood the concept of communication. During this relationship, my partner was quite expressive, as he wants us to talk about everything and anything without bearing a grudge. It was quite a beautiful experience for me, so much so that if he wasn’t in the mood to talk things out, he would ask for a time-out to process and calm his emotions.
So one time we were both upset, and I really needed to talk as much as he wanted a time-out. He remained put as I poured out my heart, and then after telling him all I had to say, he told me he had heard that wasn’t a satisfactory response, as I expected him to also say his bit. I knew he was angry, so I didn’t push it, but after a while in our calm moment, he educated me on the difference between talking to communicate and talking to prove a point.
At the time we were both angry; he decided to just let me speak and not say his bits because then it will just be us yelling and quarreling without actually listening to communicate better. After his little pep talk, he requested for us to deliberate again on what had transpired. Personally, I hate to repeat myself, but this ex of mine sure has a way of getting to me in the most subtle of ways.
We did deliberate on the situation again, but this time with more clarity. Unlike the first time, I was just yelling in anger, but on the second approach, I was relaxed and put together so much so that I did not only speak, but I could actually hear myself talk.
This experience with my ex-partner further strengthened and sharpened my communication skills as I began to listen more, which made me discover that with listening, there is usually no need for words, as you get to understand the other person's plight better and just comfort them without being verbal.
