Finally some time to write. And energy. And mindset. And overall order in my mind. I'm sitting in front of the laptop, munching on 3 day old rice with veggies, ketchup and hot sauce, having a beer on a Wednesday. Wednesday. It's half the week. And I haven't written anything for a week.
It was an exhausting week to be honest. On all levels. Certain humans causing a lot of problems by blowing everything out of proportion, rejecting any rationality and "living the moment!" because that's a great excuse for being hyper emotional and egoistical. Not egoistical, of course, but "self-centered" and all those euphemisms that new age invented to do as they please, because "you can be everything you want!" and it's that "[...] want!" that seems to be the focus.
What do I want?
A question that I questioned a lot of times in recent days. What is for me, what is good? What is right? How can I wield my power responsibly? When is a limit self-serving, when is it adequate? From Autumn To Ashes is playing in the background. Low volume, which is not how one should listen to them, but it's later in the evening and I wouldn't want my neighbor to blast Postcore Metal through the walls.
She doesn't mind.
It would be reasonable to say that she wakes me up each morning at 6am and several times in the year at 4am, as she is a very faithful person and we live in front of the church which she is very active in. I never see her walking around anymore, she's old, but to church? Each morning. Back and forth. Sometimes in the afternoon, too.
Faith.
I've always had my problems with that. It always felt like giving up my freedom and responsibility. I'm a big fan of both, and only both, only combined. I deliberately search for my responsibility in everything that happens around me, that affects me. It makes life easier for me. Sounds weird?
Taking responsibility is liberating.
First, because you don't depend on anything or anyone to blame. And then, because you can accept being a human, accept to err, and you have the opportunity to not repeat that, to improve, to work on it. You have the power. You also have the power to reflect on the limits of your responsibility. The butterfly is not the culprit of the hurricane, there are a trillion other circumstances that have to fall into place. But it had it impact. It carries a small, defined amount of responsibility.
We all define it differently.
According to the values we hold and how we estimate them. There is some faith in that. I can't be sure at all that my values are really "good". It's impossible. There is a spiritual search in that, though, excavating the values that have been drummed into us from childhood, plus instincts. That's a lot of work. But it's worth it, because there's the greatest reward waiting for us.
Happiness.
Intrinsic. Not the "I'm happy, I'm sad" one, but being able to be happy while being sad. Enjoy the sadness. Enjoy the inevitable suffering of existence. Appreciate the good times even more, having known the bad, and the bad because it can always be worse, but it will eventually be better - or not be at all. In my case, being aware of what I see as right and wrong, of what my values are, has contributed immensely to my happiness.
No matter where.
My neighbor seems to find her happiness aligned with the values of the Ecuadorian Catholic Church, or so it seems. Maybe she's just happy that there's a guideline. Someone telling her what's right and what's wrong. Not sure about her, but I suspect that way too many people are like that. Following out of comfort. Believing out of custom.
Alive out of habit.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!
Pictures taken with a Motorola Edge 60 Pro, I reserve the copyright - but feel free to ask if you want to use one of the pictures!
