How can one give when there’s nothing to give? Hello Hivers! It’s me again, the agent of change in the making. Here is another blog that connects to my previous one.
In my previous blog, I talked about TRAUMA, and how it impacts anyone. Dealing with children who have had very traumatic experiences was an upside-down battle every day. As I mentioned before, there are acute and chronic traumas, but there is also what we call ‘vicarious trauma’, also known as “secondary traumatic stress”. This refers to the emotional and psychological stress that can occur when individuals are exposed to the trauma experiences of others. I experienced this firsthand during my first weeks of work. I already shared from my previous blog how I was affected witnessing these vulnerable beings sharing their traumatic experiences.
KEEPING MY SANITY
I have been an agent of change to these victim-survivors of sexual abuse for three years. Those years have been a rollercoaster ride. These children grew up not meeting their basic rights and needs as children, and that affects their behavior today. Children do not follow instructions; they may resort to harming themselves or do the opposite of what I tell them.
I experienced releasing my emotions to the children when I was overwhelmed by their behavior. I couldn’t contain myself when the teenager kept raising her eyebrows at me and raising her tone when she was talking to me. I kept that for months, but one day I erupted like a volcano without prior notice. I was overwhelmed. I cried in front of the children, asking them to respect me. My voice was cracking while telling them how upset and disappointed I was. I remember raising my voice unconsciously. I walked out and took a day off. In my thoughts, I wanted to stop and look for another job because this job was draining me mentally and emotionally. I was just 22 years old at that time. My patience and maturity were as fleeting as a ballpoint pen's ink.
I realized that if I extended my patience in every dark situation, I would become more loving and understanding with these children. It hit me when I realized that they would continue to be like this if I didn’t change my approach because they grew up not being loved, so for them, there’s nothing to lose if they keep rebelling. I reminded myself that these children will heal from their traumas through the love and connection they receive, and that will lead to changes in their behavior.
After changing my perspective, I then practiced self-care. Now I know how important this is in dealing with them. Filling my own cup first to fill their cups. Loving myself first, so I can give more love to them. Being more patient with myself first, so I can be more understanding to them.
During a week of work, I have two days off, and I use them to refresh my mind. I have twice a month of getting a massage and pedicure. One of my coping mechanisms is cleaning my room. I find it helpful to divert stressful thoughts to focusing on cleaning.
Sometimes, when I come home very heavy, emotionally drained from the job, I lie down immediately on the floor, close my eyes, feel my body touch the floor, not giving my thoughts any decisions yet, but just processing what really happened and how I can improve or be better. I have an evening routine that includes meditation to process the day.
I do yoga. I practice what I preach to these children. I have been telling them that whatever feelings we have are all natural, and that we have healthy coping skills to express our feelings, whether positive or negative feelings. Nature helps me to breathe too, just seeing the sunset makes me hopeful.
Yes, this is not always easy, I still have impulsive thoughts sometimes, like quitting the job, but I keep reminding myself of my purpose in serving these children, and that leads me back to extending my patience more.
I also want to shout out to my parents for raising me to become resilient. They were the ones who taught me to stand up when I fell. They were the ones who taught me that every time I failed, it is not the end of everything, and that I can still raise up again and do more. I also grew up believing that God will provide when there’s something challenging situation, I believe that there’s always something.
Also, having a support system that can relate to my experience has been helpful for me in staying in this field. Having a cup of coffee, eating out or having a trip with them are essentials to keep me sane.
Thought for the day:
Children will imitate what they hear and see from the adults. Adults are responsible and accountable for acting as good role models. Play is essential for children, as it is for adults. As we work hard to earn a living, we must not forget to take time for ourselves to live, to play, and savor the moments of fun in life.