Its been about two decades on this earth and it makes me understand and see that being a lady isn't just about the beauty,curves and attention,it also encompasses the pain,weight and voids you are expected to bear and fill.
This is a story of a friend named mercy chibundo,the last child of five children born to Mr and Mrs chibundo,residents of rumuogba,port Harcourt, Rivers state.
You know,its a beautiful thing having been born as the last child into an exceptional,well to do family where everything is in place and life flows smoothly. Having all things available and someone to do your chores all the time,yet this doesn't fill the void of not being accepted,encouraged or loved by one of your parent.
Having love thrown back at your face without accepting and reciprocating it is personality destroying. Getting in from school with best results and mum doesn't seem to mind,excelling in all fields and mumsi acts like I didn't do anything commendable,an immediate admission into the university(a feat that has been achieved by no one in the family)with exceptional grades in WASSCE and my beloved mum with so much scorn says 'we have had such result why celebrate this'... Humph!!such emptiness as lack of love seems to be smelt everywhere,scorn and rejection for everything I did,it was painful enough that where I should get and i sought for love I couldn't get
I couldn't live like this...!!no I couldn't
This void has to be filled,I won't carry this pain forever,I had thoughts run through my mind,'should I run away, what about ending my life,at a point I began building up a strategy to search for my biological mum' as I couldn't understand how such animosity could be coming from my real mum.What about my dad you may be asking?
MY DAD?!He didn't seem to act like this fracas between I and my mum was an issue. Well,it was visible mum called the shots for everything and dad followed(I think that's because mum has been the one paying all bills as dad has been unemployed for 10years).And it seemed like a good reason to act like he didn't care??but rather join mum in the whole insult(stupid child,you don't even have a brain,you are empty and useless,what's your use in this house)abuse and beating. The house seemed to be hell already and getting out was a perfect vision.
Prior to the getting out,I had to find a way to release this pain,this hatred and I did find it,yes I did,I got into 'beautiful activities'.They didn't seem wrong or better said were they wrong,the void was being filled(so I thought),hate had an outlet,it looked like the right way to vent it all out...
Pornography,sex at the age of 8,masturbation,incest,it was soothing and you think I stopped there..Hell no
I went on to being a paedophile to fill this and take the pain away, to make sure I didn't outrightly hate my mum
Weird shey,it didn't go,it kept starring me in the face,widening,deepening and then my saviour came,ADMISSION into the university.
wooow!!
The university of port Harcourt, it had the perfect scenery to get this void filled,
the guys,alcohol,drugs!they all seemed to be starring and calling out to me but!!,,but I had morals.
I couldnt do all of these and be seen as bad in the society... A christian by birth with an Anglican and pentecostal background, NO,I can't was my decision. I chose something else,I chose books. I read everything and anything. I poured my pain into reading,solving calculations..its funny I guess
Yet,this funny life led me to finding more,more than I ever would bargain,more than I would ever have desired..
I found LOVE
(My version,my mum has a different one)
Then in true sense I ask!!
a facade,a mirage, a concept or a true reality.
